The whole other world

9 weeks to POP

2011-10-30T13:00:00.002+08:00

HELLO WORLD!

So much for coming back after 2 weeks and updating this huh?

Anyway, army life sucks to be honest. However, as the weeks go on you just get used to it. The trick for me is to take it week by week. Every week, just look forward to Friday, the week passes much faster that way.

Moving on, the first couple of weeks were hell. I'll be honest, there we countless times I just felt like doing something stupid like committing suicide just so I didn't have to go through army. It was torturing, mentally and physically. The weeks went by and you got to know people, your bunk mates, platoon mates. It made things a lot easier as everyone there felt the same way and everyone was going through all the shit together.

Also, what really kept me going was knowing there is still an outside world, the civilian world outside tekong. The everyday messages i receive from Chrystle, a good friend, really helps me through the days. Of course other friends too. Just stepping into your bunk and reading a message from your friend is really awesome and helps you get through the day or makes your day.

Right now we're 10 weeks into BMT and we've got 9 weeks left. Feel a bit cheated though, 19 weeks isn't exactly 19 weeks. It's actually like 21 weeks. It sucks, but every male Singaporean has to go through it after all.

I really want to thank Chrystle and the other people who constantly message me in camp and help me along this army life. It really sucks, trust me. Of course there are the funny moments which really make you laugh, laugh hard. There are the shitty moments which you hope don't come. There are also the AWESOME moments when it rains the whole afternoon and we spend the whole afternoon resting in out bunks.

On the whole, army life still sucks. BIG TIME. On a brighter note, I'm down 15 kg from enlistment, hope it doesn't stop!

Till next time!

`i'll be your reason.

The special one

2011-08-18T00:40:00.004+08:00

I somehow feel I've actually typed this post out before. I'm lazy to check my history. If my memory serves me right, I've done this. Well, I'm feeling that same way now. So...... HERE GOES!

Each time you receive a message from that "Special someone", you'll know it. Your day just gets that much brighter, the moment of sheer happiness you feel when you realise the text you received is from that someone. The feeling is indescribable. You take just that few seconds to read it and send a reply. Just one text can make your heart beat faster and faster. The one text can make you feel like every other bad thing that happened in that day just vanishes.

It's a wonderful feeling. It doesn't come by often, sometimes it takes forever for that special someone to reply, but when that very text comes, you just feel that moment of happiness. You realise that no matter how long the person takes to reply, it's WELL WORTH IT!

Each time I receive your text, that's exactly how I feel. It's amazing. What trumps that? When that special someone just drops you a random text on a bad day. Just a simple "how've you been?" It's mind-blowing how easily that one text can change your mood. It's amazing to feel that way each time I pick up my phone and see that the text is from you.

Moving on.....

22nd August. Serving the nation.

As the day draws near, the regrets start to pile up.

22nd August 2011. The day I leave home to join the army.

The date has been made known to me for several months. However, you only start to realise the reality of it all as the date becomes closer. Now it's one week before the day I head down to Pulau Tekong and regrets are pouring in. Not spending my time more wisely, not taking the time to spend it with friends, catching up. As the day grow closer, I begin to regret not letting you know exactly how I feel.

I'm saying this as if the army is gonna be where it all ends. HAHA. It's not. I just realised a lot of things as the date draws closer. A part of me just wants to go into the army feeling like I did everything I want to. In reality, that will never happen.

I'm pretty happy that I spent a lot of time travelling and visiting places I've never been before. I guess there will definitely be regrets. I guess if the feelings are there, army shouldn't change that. 22nd August. This will probably be my last post before going into the army.

So to the FEW readers of this blog, check back in about 2 weeks, I'll try and drop a post in.

Till then...

CYAH AFTER ARMY!

`can't you see that I'm the one who understands you, been here all along.

I'm the guy for you, you'll see.

2011-07-14T22:58:00.003+08:00

Like how I start every post recently, it's been a while.

I just haven't had the inspiration nor anything meaningful to blog about. This space has became so redundant that I feel the need to blog only if there is something worth blogging about. That brings me to this post. The inspiration for it? A dream I had last night. Ironic?

I've been so inspired by this dream that I'm actually considering typing it out, into a book or a short story. For now though, this blog will be my space for self expression.

So anyway, here goes!

The setting was in a foreign country, as far as I remember it was Japan. I was happily on a holiday with some of my poly friends. It starts off on a train, or rather some mode of transportation, could have been an airplane. We were at the boarding stage. Everyone had to climb to these seats that were elevated from the ground. The seats we were allocated, we being myself, Drusilla and Chrystle, were on the highest level. This meant we had to climb up a couple of flights of stairs before reaching our seats. Chrystle apparently headed up first. Drusilla and I were still making our way up. When we reached, Chrystle was all buckled in. Drusilla made her way to her seat and realised she forgot something, she then made her way down the steps while I got buckled up. She was followed by this girl, in the dream we knew her, her name was Samantha. I don't know a Samantha in real life but that's irrelevant for now. So Samantha and Drus made their way down.

This is when it happened. The dream version of me woke up, or rather the next thing that I remembered after buckling up, was that I was standing alone in the middle of a rather empty train station waiting for a train. It was a UK-styled train station where the architecture was rather old and different. Confused? That's exactly how I felt. Thoughts ran through my mind "what happened? Why am i here? Where are Drus and Chrystle?" I then decided to approach this lady who happened to be one of the few people waiting for a train. She was seated on a bench, covered with several layers of coats and winter-wear. I approached her and said "excuse me miss" Before I could go on, this girl looked up and I realised it was Chrystle. She looked up at me with a look of disbelieve, as if she had seen a ghost. I flooded her with questions and as I went on and on, she looked bemused. Among the questions asked were, "What happened? Why are we here? What happened on the train/airplane? Where is Drusilla?"

The first words that come out of her mouth "you don't remember?" She started explaning the story. According to her, a strange event occured in our airplane/train. It was said to be a mystery, something science couldn't explain. She was not sure about everything, apparently there were a lot of grey areas for her. She also mentioned that she was traumatized by the whole experience. In addition, she said she has no idea what happened to Drusilla. The whole incident left Chrystle questioning everything that was going on in her life. She seemed lost, not knowing what to do. Friends in her life didn't seem to matter. She looked as though she was planning to spend her entire life sitting on that particular bench. Before she went back to her bench she mumbled these exact words "If you want to find Drus, find Samantha"

I was determined to find Drusilla, in the dream she meant a whole lot to me. I had feelings for her. I'm sure i did. I also wanted to know exactly what happened. It was then that Chrystle lifted a newspaper she was reading and I realised, the date of the newspaper that day, was the same date that we were all on the train. That was when I realised something paranormal was happening. I decided to search frantically for Samantha. Then as I looked up at the train passing by, I saw her sitting alone in one of the cabins. I rushed in just as the train doors closed behind me. She looked up at me, and before I could say anything, she said "follow me"

She then brought me into the next cabin where there was this group of girls dressed in Japanese school uniforms. There stood a really familiar girl, with her back facing me. This girl turned and looked me dead in the eye, there was a spark and we both realised there was something special there. The girl was Drusilla. In the dream, before the whole extraterrestrial event happened, I was in a relationship with Drusilla. I knew I had feelings for her, I didn't know I loved her and was in a relationship with her. In that moment, I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I said "Hi pretty girl?" She looked at me, gave me a confused look, and said something in Japanese. That's when Samantha grabbed me and said "she doesn't know who you are, she doesn't even speak english" Samantha explained that the event caused many things to happen, one of which was to create a whole new life for Drusilla. In this new life, she never met us, or rather she doesn't remember meeting us. Her only memory is that she knew we were once part of her life. Samantha went on to explain, saying that was why when our eyes clicked, she knew I was someone special to her. Her life now was a Japanese student, speaking only Japanese and not knowing a single word of english. Samantha couldn't explain what happened on that very day, all she knows is that everyone's life changed from that day forth.

I sat with Samantha for a while after that, talking to her about what happened and the things we used to have. I looked up and Drusilla and I said to Samantha "she's the one and she still remembers me and I know it. So I still want to spend the rest of my life with her. Regardless of whether she remembers me or not." I walked up to Drusilla and said "I love you, though you may not fully remember who I am, I'm the guy for you Drusilla, you'll see." Though she didn't speak english, she understood every word I said. She responded in Japanese, which one of her friends translated for me, "I don't know who you are, but there is something about you that makes me feel like you mean something to me. Do I know you?"

And...... That was when I woke up. How interesting my dreams are. If only I could write a book, a movie, a play. I could write my own beginning, my own ending. I can write about how I want the ending to be. It's like a perfect love story albeit cheesy one. I could draft my own love story. Am I supposed to be a writer? Is that why I dreamt about this? Is it just because I watch too many movies that my dreams play out how I want my life to be at this point?

I don't know, all I know is that I'm intending to write this out properly into a story or a book. I don't care if it never gets read by anyone else but myself. This dream made me realise many things. It was a part of my life. Hope you enjoyed the story.

P.S. Drusilla is a really close friend in real life, so is Chrystle. I guess a reason my dream played out this way is because I have/used to have feelings for Drusilla. The thought of me spending my life with her had crossed my mind. For now though, she's a really good friend.

`I'm the guy for you, you'll see.

time

2011-06-13T23:10:00.002+08:00

Haven't had the inspiration to blog, life has been pretty boring.

Fine, not boring, but I don't really like blogging about trips.
So summarizing everything, I headed to Malacca/Melaka and Batam this week. Both pretty fruitful trips, nothing amazing or inspiring happened.

I guess the most "blog-worthy" thing about the 2 trips was that I spent almost every waking minute of it thinking about a girl. Who's this girl?
Let's just say she's special.

Just as I mention that, another "blog-worthy" topic came to mind. Recently, a girl I used to have a crush on in my secondary school days started messaging me again. Like I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I believe it was called "Soft spot", something along those lines. Anyway I'm drifting from the point. This girl, started messaging me out of the blue as if we've been talking all along, asking for advice on guys and all. I'm not saying I'm not willing to help, I admit I'll always have that soft spot for her, but what bothered me more was how it was so random.

We haven't spoken in months, or rather years and when we do speak it's really short. It all started with me meeting her at the Taylor Swift concert (AWESOME by the way, but that's irrelevant for now). Things just got better from there.

Whats so random about that you might be wondering? I believe if you hit the archives button on the right you'd probably realise why. Just for those who are too lazy, this girl, Yiwen, avoided me almost my whole secondary school life and a couple of years after. That was what made it weird.

I guess it just takes time for someone to be comfortable again with another person. I believe I made her really uncomfortable when she found out about my feelings for her. It took 3 years before we started talking again, maybe more. However, I'm REALLY glad we're better now. It's one of the 2 friendships I hoped to get back. The other being Charmaine. I guess time will tell then.

Just for knowledge purposes, Yiwen wasn't that special girl I was thinking of.

Till next time.

`Time heals many wounds, it healed mine.

Lying awake

2011-05-30T00:55:00.004+08:00

Have you ever had that moment at night or that few minutes/hours where you just lie aimlessly on your bed trying to sleep? You know you want to, yet you can't. You then spend the whole time staring blankly at the ceiling thinking about everything under the sun.

Today, or rather most days, I find myself doing exactly that.

You spend the time thinking back on the awesome moments in your life, along with the moments that hurt you, the moments worth looking back on. You start playing out scenarios in your head about what would happen, what could be, what if. Before you know it, you realise you have just spent about 2-3 hours of your life just thinking. 2-3 hours of mere thinking, amazing isn't it.

Few days back, I played out a scenario in my head.
Made the scenario a reality, and the rest is history.

Hope you enjoyed the surprise as much as you said you did.

Happy Birthday Drus. =)

`Staring aimlessly at the ceiling, I wonder if you felt it like I did.

The dilemma

2011-05-10T00:43:00.002+08:00

I'm back from a long hiatus. The laziness took over my passion of writing and is probably the reason why I'll never become a successful writer. I've got some inspiration for a new post. As such, I thought I'd share it with whoever still reads this dead space. Feel free to drop a comment in the revived "chat box"

Back to the post.

Have you ever had this dilemma or this choice you had to make but couldn't do it because you weren't sure what would be right? Everyone has to make choices, more often than not, the choices they make never turn out right. How then do we know which is right?

I realise today that there is no answer to that question. You can spend days, weeks, months deciding which choice you intend to make. When you do decide on one you think is right, it often ends up wrong. Everyone goes through this everyday. I say why waste time deciding which choice is better, when you'll never truly know what the right choice is until you've decided and have to face the mere truth that you were wrong.

My dilemma? Simple actually. It's a dilemma I have been in before. You see, I once had feelings for a really unique girl. She's your typical cheerful, happy-go-lucky girl who brings joy wherever she goes. This girl was Charmaine Foo. She was my classmate in my poly. One fine day, after countless days with her as a friend, I realised "She's the one" or at least I thought back then that she was. I had this dilemma then, do I risk everything I have with her, friendship, classmates and let her know how I felt or do I keep everything in and one day look back on what could have been?

I was crazy about her, couldn't stop thinking about her. I spent days and nights thinking about what I should have done. Yes you guessed right, I went for it. Risked everything, and the result? I lost a friend and we hardly spoke since. You see, it's such a simple decision, yet it could change your life and change everything that happens in your life. The worst part is, Charmaine wasn't the first person I had this dilemma with.

That brings me back to the present. Right at this very moment, I have the exact same dilemma, just with another girl. One side of you keeps telling you to go for it, the other says play it safe and don't risk it. Of the vast majority of things that go through a person's head, this would probably rank in the top 10. What do I do?

Based on past experiences, nothing good ever comes from confessing to a girl that you have feelings for her, I've learnt that the hard way. Result? I've decided to play it safe and don't risk it. Yet everyday I sit down and wonder if I made a mistake. You see that's the thing about choices, if I did choose to tell this special girl and all doesn't go according to plan, I'll regret it. Yet if I choose not to, I live everyday wondering what could have been.

Dilemma? That's life for you.

`you mean the world to me, yet the fear of rejection and losing you as a friend has kept me from saying "I Love You"

Are you happy?

2011-03-27T23:47:00.005+08:00

When I was in the hospital today visiting my grandaunt, I had the inspiration for a post. I was sitting by the bedside of my bed-ridden grandaunt.

She was resting, eyes-shut. She's not well and suffers from dementia and can't remember many things that go on in her life. As I sat by her bedside, I felt the chill of the environment and the sad aura that surrounds the hospital. It was then that my grandaunt opened her eyes and looked straight at me. I smiled and she asked the question that inspired my post "Are you happy? You have a very nice smile and you look sincerely happy" I gave her a hug. She didn't recognise me, didn't have a clue who I was, yet she told me I looked happy.

Then I thought to myself, why shouldn't I be happy? I am happy, I'm glad I am. I mean, there's only so much you can do with your life, and if you live it in regret or in sadness everyday, that wouldn't be living life to the fullest. I have a family, friends and a home. There is no reason I shouldn't be happy.

This post goes out to those feeling sad, angry, or basically just feeling unhappy. Everytime you feel that you're unhappy, think about how lucky you are to be living your life. Think about how lucky you are and what you have as opposed to what you want. When a person is unhappy, he/she should think about everything that makes them happy as opposed to thinking about the unhappy memories.

Easier said than done? I beg to differ. Everyone can, and they know they can, they just gotta believe it.

Are you happy?

I want the truth

2011-03-24T18:52:00.002+08:00

The truth, is it good to hide it? Is it better to let someone know the truth?

There is no "right"answer to those questions. I guess everything bows down to the decisions we make. The truth can be so heartbreaking to hear, yet everyone constantly wants to hear it. Why? They believe that they'd rather hear 1 truth that would crush them as opposed to hearing a million lies that would make them happy.

Why tell the truth then? Doesn't everyone want to be happy? Why not lie and make them happy?

The truth to that, is that no matter how happy a person is, he/she will never be happier unless they feel they are living a full life of truth. Put it this way, they wouldn't want to be living a life of lies.

So, when is a good time to tell the truth?

You tell me, because no matter what you say, I'd tell you "that's not the truth"
There is no answer to that.

My definition of the truth?
The truth will always be kept a secret. Even if you believe someone is tellling you the truth, there's always more to it. If not, life as we live it is nothing but a whole life of truth and no lies. The real truth is knowing how much you should tell and when to tell it. Pick a right moment, tell the truth. Don't be afraid to be honest, it feels good to be honest. Don't believe me?

Well, that's my truth.

`When the truth is like a stranger, that hits you right between the eyes.

the soft spot

2011-03-23T23:31:00.003+08:00

I realised I wanted to post something here and i forgot. So here goes the 3rd post in a day.

Over the last week, I received messages from 2 girls I used to love. Both interestingly asking for help. Why interesting? These girls were a huge part of my life. However, due to the 3 simple words, I lost them in my life. From friends, they became strangers. I'll leave the explaining and the long story for another day. I'll just leave their names for now. Charmaine Foo and Ng Yiwen.

I haven't spoken to either one of them in a really long time, one more than the other of course. In both cases, we didn't exactly have a "happy ending". The relationship hit a few "bumps" and we haven't spoken much since. I loved them both though, no doubt about that. When both of them needed help, I did all i could to help them.

That brings me to the whole reason of this post. No matter how much you tell yourself you have moved on, that she was just a stepping stone in your life, you will always have a soft spot for the one you love or used to love. That's what I felt with the 2 girls. I ensured I did all i could to help either one of them. Knowing that I couldn't help or couldn't do anything else to help really made me feel awful. It made me feel like I was useless and I couldn't lend a helping hand to someone who needs it.

Hearing one of them say "Thanks so much- So sweet of you", made my day. Hearing the other say "we're still friends don't worry" made me smile to myself in happiness.

I guess no matter how much you think you've moved on, if you have ever loved the person, a part of him/her will always remain with you. You'll always have that "Soft spot" for these people. It applies to me and I'm pretty sure everyone feels the same way. It's just how humans are I guess.

Then I ask you,
How many soft spots do you have?

Hope whoever is reading my blog enjoys what I've written so far. I know I'm not a great writer but I hope my mediocre writing might have brighten your day or put a smile on your face. Leave a comment, you could remain anonymous, I'm cool with that.

Let the music heal your soul

2011-03-23T17:36:00.003+08:00

I took a glance out my window and got my inspiration for this post.

Glancing out the window at the sky, such a simple act, yet it get so easily get you thinking. The mind is such an amazing work of life. A simple glance, a simple thought can change the entire life of a person.

Such simple acts, such simple things can let a person's imagination run wild. Music is a perfect example, people often relate to music to make themselves feel better or in some cases just to have something to relate to. Music serves as a shoulder to lean on, something you can relate to. Music can so easily pull you through a difficult time. Isn't it a wonder? Music is always there for someone. Music can so easily make someone feel better or worse.

I am no stranger to Music. Music pulled me through the hardest times in my life. Music was always there, never failed to accompany me. Even in the best times in my life, Music was there. Even as i type this post, the sounds of "You're still the one" echoes in the background.

Imagine if Music was a person, would you want to be music?
I would.

Doesn't it feel good knowing you can help someone through their day? Doesn't it feel good that you can make someone's life that much better? Wouldn't it feel good to always be there for someone?

I believe that for everyone, there will always be this person for them. One day when you're sitting in your room, staring out your window, you'll realise it.

`so melodic and endearing too

The one

2011-03-23T15:15:00.003+08:00

Today I watched an episode of One Tree Hill.

This line hit me "When all your dreams come true, who do want standing next to you?"

I asked myself, at this very moment in time, who will that person be? Only one person popped up in my head. Her name is Drusilla. Drusilla Lee is my closest friend. She's the special girl I've talked about in my previous posts. She's not your everyday girl. She's special and she's one of a kind. I just wished she knew how special she was. She changed my life for sure.

My friend asked me this "if she's so amazing, why aren't you taking a shot at her? Why aren't you going for her?" At the point in time, I looked up at him and smiled.

The truth is that I honestly didn't know. This girl has changed my life but to her, I'm just another person in her life. Have I made a difference in her life? Perhaps. It only hit me today how special and how much she meant to me. Everytime I had a piece of good news or something that made my day, I'd pick up my phone and drop her a text. I felt happy doing so. Today, I realised that.

Today I also realised that I may not mean as much to her as she does to me. It hit me that while I always shared the good news with her, it may not matter as much to her. So how then do you know whether a friend is truly sincere and truly cares? I asked myself this. Again, I don't have an answer. Like i said before, my conclusion: You don't mean as much to her as she means to you. Being drawn to that conclusion, I asked myself " So why do you keep thinking that you do? Why then do you keep wishing and hoping that you do mean something to her?" And my answer "Because whether she cares as much as I do, shes knows I care and that's good enough for me"

I remember saying to a friend when we were playing a simple game of "Shoot,Shag,Marry" I told her that one day I'd marry Drusilla. I still believe that. Even if she doesn't step into my life again from this day forth, she has already made a mark on my life.

That brings me to my post, it's funny how someone can make such a difference in your life. Yet to them, you're just a stepping stone. How then do you know if this person is "the one"? My answer to that " ". I don't have one. This is just one of the many things that go through a person's head everyday. How to you tell the difference from a friend and a lover? How to you distinguish that?

She's special. I'd give anything to know that I've made such an impact on her life as she has done to mine. She's a friend and an awesome one I might add. I'd never give that up in a million years and I'd never spoil it with the 3 simple words. This post is for her. Even if she never comes across it in her entire life.

This is how I felt Wednesday 23rd March 2011. 3.37pm.

She is special. Drusilla, you're special. You're my friend.

Friends- Chosen or Given?

2011-03-21T23:25:00.003+08:00

Today I met 2 of my closest friends.

It was nice meeting them after a long while, did the usual catching up. It was at that very moment one of them said " Eh you might not see me very often after today". Though on the surface he meant he was busy and that we'd probably meet less in the days to come, a part of me felt something else and I looked deeper.

After hearing that, I thought to myself, what if I were to lose my friend to something tragic? That was when I started thinking, how do friends appear? Do you choose them? Are they god given and you were meant to meet them? Can you lose a friend?

Often we take friendships for granted, not taking into consideration the small and minor things that do matter. A simple text and the quickness of the reply, if it ever comes that is. Holding the door for a friend, saying a quick "hi", these are the small acts that could be the backbone to a friendship. Sure, anyone could say to a friend "I'll be there when you need me." More often than not, you take for granted this simple line. This simple line could mean so much to the person who said it. Yet to the person who receives this special line, the oh-so-special line could just be "just another line"

Who then are your true friends? Who then will "qualify" as your best friend? How would you even know for the slightest bit that this person actually is your "best friend"? How do you distinguish the line between best friends and lovers?

These questions probably go through everyone's mind every single day, I know it goes through mine. The funny thing is, no one will ever admit to having these thoughts. The question I often wonder is "how do you know this person is your bestfriend?"

After sleepless nights thinking about this, I am still without an answer. At this very moment in time, I have this really good friend, you could say she's like a sister or a "best friend". She means a hell lot to me. Yet the thought of her being the "one" for me constantly crosses my mind. How then do we distinguish between the two? This girl is special, more than you could ever imagine. The countless times I've said that to her really isn't enough to truly show how amazing she is.

She is my friend. She is my best friend. She is the one?

The funny thing is, this person could mean so much to you. Yet to her, you're "just another friend". Friendship is complicated that way. Friends are complicated that way. Like lovers, quarrels and disagreements often happen between friends. In the case of friendship, it is often because one friend cares too much or doesn't care enough. The term "best friends" is funny, for 3 simple words can cause a "best friend" to become a stranger. I love you. 3 simple words.

The truth is, I don't know if I have fallen for this special girl. However, I do know that she's a friend to me. She means the world to me. She's special and I would never do anything to jeopardise that. Knowing I could lose her is more important than 3 simple words.

So..... Friends- Chosen or Given?

It's a new beginning

2011-03-21T18:26:00.002+08:00

Today, I decided to do something productive.

For a start, I revamped this hell-hole. In conjunction with the whole new beginning, I've decided to type in proper english. After all, one of my aspirations was to become a writer. That certainly has gone down the drain hasn't it?

Since it's a new start, I believe it calls for a special post doesn't it?

So here goes..

I felt I should have a new and revamped lifestyle or blog for a start. It hit me when I was lying on my bed, staring blankly at the underside of the double decker bed. I had nothing to look forward to, no goal in life, no aspirations. That's when I thought to myself, I always wanted to be a writer. One of the main reasons I gave up my dream was my lack of interest in books, which is not exactly "typical" of a writer. MY lack of vocabulary is the main reason I could never write a book or a novel.

So I carried on thinking, staring again the the underside of my 2 storey bed. What is your dream? What do you want to do with your life? Thats that.

It's a new beginning, what do you want to do?

`People don't start on something new, for fear it would lead to something bad.

Enchanted

2011-02-06T03:52:00.001+08:00

It was enchanting to meet you

Haven't blogged in a while. Haven't had the time and when i did it was never a good time for blogging

all in all. I think the charm thing is kinda over. yay?

yet a whole new complication is about to start.
again the question is.

Should i?
I won't this time because i know nothing good can come from it.

`your eyes whispered have we met

outcast?

2010-12-09T17:13:00.003+08:00

well SIP is over.. ain't gonna blog much about it. i'm lazy. hahaha.

anyways. i haven really blogged. just today something bothered me a lot. basically, today kat was groupless for one of our projects, her group just sorta offloaded her?.. thats as much as i know. don't know what exactly happened.

just felt kinda sad?.. i mean.. just because your group has to be better, u offload the thrash?. metaphorically speaking that is. So who picks up your thrash?. Worst still, how would you feel if you're the one being offloaded(i don't know if it's one or 2 words)? How would you feel?

I'll tell you, you'll feel like shit, like you're trying your best to just find someone who'll take you in, who will accept you. Fine, from what i know i don't deny she's not been up to standard in the last sem, but that doesn't mean you should just let her go and let it be someone elses problem? Don't you think it's very selfish on your part?. I mean hey, this are all opinions, how you see it might be different.

anyway, so much said. kat's now in our group. felt bad for her. Right now to be completely honest, i feel it. Constantly trying to fit in somewhere. It's like you walk into the Lecture theatre looking for a friend or someone to sit with, you realise you don't have a "clique" to sit with. No matter how you try, you'll never fit in. The fact of the matter is you never belonged in the first place, so for you to penetrate and be accepted is just hard. Sure, everyone treats you as a friend, it's just you'll never fit and you'll never be anything more than that. Nuff said.

I'm aspiring to be a writer, i think.
oh well.

the politics in life.

`maybe these simple words will do best to best explain.

JUST SO PRETTY.

2010-12-07T09:33:00.001+08:00

Isn't she just awesome?.. DAMN PRETTY.

`I swear, it's the truth, and i owe it all to you.

NEW WALLPAPER

2010-10-31T01:29:00.003+08:00

so anyways!. .i got myself a new desktop wallpaper which i like put together while i was bored.. it's of Dianna agron.. SO AWESOME. =)..

shes damn damn pretty.. to me luh.. my perfect girl. HAHA

so anyways.. another thing that happened this wk.. i got Taylor swift tickets.. =))
other than that it's been same-o same-o.

i'll tell myself time and again, I'll force myself not to. yet somehow i have the feeling she feels the same way. oh well.. we'll see.

oh anyway.. here's a video of my gf!. =). HAHA. shes damn pretty in this i think.

`you make it easier when life gets hard.

what week issit?

2010-10-24T00:25:00.003+08:00

ehh i lost track of wad wk of SIP it is already. oh well.

anyways work has been okay i guess. pretty boring but it's coz i'm not the type that can sit down and do work for the whole day. not coz i have nothing to do. i guess i gotta thank chrystle for like. helping me to pass my day faster.. hahaha.. and of course the other ppl that i talk to on msn quite often.. drus too.. dunno if you're reading this drus. if you are drop a comment!. =)

so anyways.. i was thinking about the whole charm thing.. yes i've moved on. or rather i think i'm still moving on.. but thats besides the fact.. anyways. erm. i guess everything is realy complicated.. and i kinda hate it. coz shes like another friend i've lost coz of this kinda thing. and i've decided.. even though i kinda have SLIGHT feelings for another friend. i guess i think the friendship is way more important to me now.. plus the feeling of rejection sucks to the max. so unless this girl tells me she likes me. i guess i'm not gonna do anything. once bitten twice shy i guess. so i mean. i don't think it'll kill me not to tell the person i like her. in the future i guess thats what i'll do. call me pessimistic or like silly or whatever but i guess i've been dealt too many blows to have any confidence in anything already. plus i've already decided i'm not gonna act on it since i aint sure that i really like her like i liked charm. but feelings are developing i guess. but liek i said. will prioritise friendship over naything else now. =)

anyways. other than that. been wanting to catch up with friends and all.. like jy and co.. cherelle.. but yeah.. just really haven't had the time.. SIP kills your social life.

so yup. thats about it. i've been updating less since i've like started SIP. too little time.

on a happy note.. i won $17 at poker today. =)

`looks like we've made it, look how far we've come my baby.

wk 3

2010-10-10T15:44:00.002+08:00

So its wk 3 over for internship. one word. BORING.

ermm.. pretty eventful these 2 wks i guess?

well.. i've decided to let go of charm?
well basically i kinda realised that the email i sent was really serious and like no humour or naything in it. and being in her postion i wouldn't wanna reply either right?
plus i don't really wanna go through all the pain and all anymore.. i'm moving on i guess.

so anyways.. work has been okay.. simple stuff.. data entry.. transcribing videos.. competitors analysis. etc.. but it's been pretty fun at work i guess.. though it's boring.. getting to know the people better.. so yup.. been spending my time in office talking to chrystle about random stuff and just about anything under the sun just to get through the day. hahaha.

ermm.. what else?.
on campus session day was a bad day for me i guess. thinking alot.

other than that it's really nothing much.
i've moved on. or rather moving on..

next step. LOSE WEIGHT!
hahahaha

NS call up already.
oh well..

other than that nothing much i guess.
oh i think i'm falling for someone else. but for MANY reasons, i'll just let the feelings fade.
till next time!

`cause girl you're amazing, just the way you are

Wk 1 OVER!

2010-09-26T18:55:00.003+08:00

So it's the end of the week.
has been a pretty eventful week.

so work has been okay. spent like the first few days reasearching on Fareast Flora and its competitors and all.. then spent thurs and friday transcribing a video.. the transcribing is totally crap man.. damn hard to transcribe.. coz the sound quality in the video sucks.. i spent about 9 hours on it already.. i've only managed to transcribe like 12 mins?.. which totally sucks..

anyways. work has been okay.. getting to know colleagues a little better.. been quite fun i guess.. just that i realise after 1 wk of work that i'm not cut out for an office job.. perhaps a teaching or something else. i'm definitely not doing a desk job... can't take the boredom..

also what else?. .results released this week.. and i was REALLY disappointed. i mean. my results are not that bad.. my GPA went up by 0.1 but thats coz my GPA sucked to begin with. basically i expected As for at least 3 subjects.. MR. CEM and MA1.. after taking the papers, i knew my A for MA was gone.. CEM was still in tact and MR was too ..so that would mean at least 1 A.. well guess what?. .1 A oso dun have.. damn sian.. adn to top it all off.. i got a C for MA. i mean. .my coursework was B+.. and final result a C.. wth right?.. so anyways..

CEM- B+
MR- B
EM- C+
SIT- C+
MA1- C

so cui man.. seriously. ahh. .dun wanna talk about it..

on a lighter note.. i met up with chrystle and drus for dinner on friday night!. it was nice seeing them!.. =). we met up around 7.30ish?. .then chrystle had to leave around 8.30.. so when she left.. i started to talk to drus.. seriously.. drus is like really someone i can talk to.. so anyways.. we decided to walk and talk.. and u know?. we walked from compass point to her place?. HAHA.. her place is hougang ave 7 FYI.. which is damn far.. but we just walked and talked walked and talked.. it was REALLY REALLY nice.. i mean.. the talking.. it was just nice to have someone there to listen. really.. thanks alot drus!. dunno if you're reading this. but yup. .=))

so that was pretty much my week..
and i've decided. or rather i've almost decided. that i will just let her go..
the thing is. this came to my head..

"i really don't know whats going on, the thing is, it hurts too much to care".

thats what i thought.. which really helped me along i guess.. plus everyone has been telling me to ust let go.. coz they dun wana see me go through the pain and all. thanks people.. though most of you won't read this.. =))

well.. till next time.. tata~~

`I don't know you but i want you all the more for that.

2010-09-21T22:09:00.002+08:00

work is so mentally draining.
it sucks doing something you don't wanna do or have not interest doing.

haii. bored bored bored.

charm thing is total fail.
seriously. should i just give up?.

`but i got lost a time or two.

wait for you.

2010-09-17T10:33:00.002+08:00

the anxiety of waiting for a reply is killing me.

so yup. since its like a 1 wk break or slightly less than 1 wk break before we start our SIP. i though i'd use the oppurtunity to try and clear the air with charm. so i asked her if she's free ot meet up anytime. but turns out she's busy the whole wk. so she asked if i could send her an email about it instead. so at 12 plus yest.. or rather this morning. i sent her an email.. and now the anxiety of waiting for the reply is killing me.. hahaha.

anyways had a rahter "gay" session of K yest.. haha.. i had like 3 hrs free at my mum's club. .changi beach club.. so i had to utilise it by this week and only can be used on weekdays. so. .yest was supposed to be 4 guys.. which was already quite weird.. but in the end garner couldn't make it. .so left me zao and ernest.. it was fun.. hahaha. oh well..

exams are over.. SIP next.. haven visited my SIP company yet.. tinking of doing it today or tmrw.. just to see exactly where it is.. and how long approx i take to get there.

so yup. can't wait for drus to come back. haha. got so many things to tell her.
also. cherelle ah u reading this?. everything okay already?
till next time peeps!..

`you put your arm around me for the first time.

one of those nights

2010-09-15T03:48:00.002+08:00

its one of those sleepless nights that you spend just tinking your night away.

today was a bad day.

suspected for cheating in exam, losing money in poker. no reply from charm. urgh..

misery piles misery.

ahh dun wanna post emo stuff..

just a thought,
am i really the person you guys picture me out to be?
be it good or bad?.

`what you see from a person is never what you see in a person

Worried.

2010-09-05T22:23:00.002+08:00

have a really bad feeling about tmrws CEM paper.. dunno why.. maybe coz i've been focusing ALOT of time of MA.. which i tink is okay coz MA is really the hardest of the 4 subjects. oh well.. hoping for the best..

anyways.. my feelings for charm doesn't feel the same.. i mean i do still have the same feelings for her. but now.. since its been long since we've talked. and its been long since we spoke really like friends.. and the fact that its been liddat is making me feel a love/hate thing for her.. i totally am crazy about her.. and i totally love her.. but i hate the fact that shes sorta avoiding the fact.. and also sorta treating me different.. i hate that.. so conclusion: do i still love her like i used to?. do i still have the same feelings for her?.. i'm confused. when love and hate collide. haii

on a seperate note.. like i mentioned in my previous post. i realise that through observing and all.. i'm starting to like have a slight spur of feelings for another girl.. and i itnk it might be true.. or rather i'm not too sure yet.. but i still love charm. .thats for sure.. oh well. i dunno!

oh anyway. on a random note.. i tried changing my hair parting.. and after i did. my head felt heavier. HAHA. oh well..

oh anddd andd.. you know how facebook has this sidebar thing that reminds you to like say hi to random ppl?.. oh wlel.. charmaine has been on my side bar and facebook keeps asking me to say hello and hi to her.. so should i?..

oh annd and and.. my internship is at this company called Edward Whistler International. go goole it.. looks crazy busy man.. oh well.. its in beach road.. so thats okay i guess.. hope everything goes fine.. oh i forgot to mention.. out of so many ppl in our class.. me and charm got the same LO for our internship. so fated uh?

till next time. which is probably after exams, TATA~~ shall leave you with a video of my girlfriend.. =)

ps: god pls be good and give me an easy CEM and MA paper!

`and from your lips she drew the hallelujah

dreams

2010-08-28T18:41:00.002+08:00

what are dreams really?

just a figment of your imagination?

something you desire so bad that it only appears in your dreams?

just the opposite of reality?.

the thing is.. no one will ever know. hahaha.. okay i know that was uncalled for.. but i'm sitting here in the Marina Bay Sands hotel. and i'm bored.. its like my 5th time here?.. its getting boring already.. i'm overlooking marina barrage now.. which looks really really crowded.. like seriously really crowded.. hahaha.. random fact.. boredom kills really..

anyways.. yesterday something weird happened.. i probably spend 24/7 thinking of charmaine. like honestly.. call me crazy.. but yeah.. thats a fact. i'm crazy bout her i know.. anyways.. yest.. or rather this morning.. my bro woke me up at like 4 am?. to pick him up from downstairs in tower 2 or the hotel.. so i did.. i went down.. i sat there.. the same place i sat with drus that last time i waited for someone.. i was dead sleepy.. like literally sleep walking.. the weird thing is.. as i sat there.. charmaine wasnt on my mind.. instead someone else was.. it was weird. i mean. the thought has crossed my mind.. but i never thought i'd be thinking bout her.. don't get me wrong.. i'm still crazy bout charm.. just that few minutes. my mind was about someone else. which was.. i would say.. interesting?. anyways.. that brings me to dreams.. i went up and fell straight to sleep.. thats when i dreamt of that particular person..

i never thought i'd be.. but i was with this person in the dream.. we weren't together.. but i was really happy with her.. and in the dream. matthias and charm were together.. so i dunno.. it was abit weird.. but i honestly say. i was happpy.. as happy as i was when i dreamt of charm.. so when i woke up.. i started thinking alot. hmm. hahaha. oh well.. how would you define dreams?. if you read this?. the few ppl that do. leave your thoughts!

but still i'm crazy bout charm. just looking at her photo on fb reminds me of how much i miss her and how long i haven seen her.. i totally miss her. really. though things aren't exactly going as awesome as i would have hoped for it to be. i just miss her alot. hahaha..

hahaha. btw.. was looking at my archives.. realised and found my "poems"..
this was back in my secondary school days..when i had the inspiration to write.. so corny some of them.. have a good read though.. realise i last time really damn emo.. write poem siahh!. HAHA.. leave your comments!. =)

PAIN
The problems we share,
with friends that care.
Who share the pain and despair
when its sometimes difficult to bear

If you only know how i feel
now it's hard to even have a meal
I aint a man of steel
get me out of this heart breaking ordeal!

Perhaps friendship withers like a flower
This sweet wonderful friendship has turned sour
Every second, every minute, every hour
is filled with hurt greater than any power

All the times we had together,
has gone and flown like a birds feather
Life without you is so much sadder
Will we ever resolve this matter?

GONE
And he goes on,
on and on until its gone
For the once very strong bond
Has disappeared and is long gone

Savour every little friendship,
for brittle is this relationship,
Like words in the sand
This friendship has come to an end

One wrong move is all you need,
to leave your wound open to bleed
For the wound left is so deep,
it leaves you in the corner, starting to weep

May i return to the beginning?
The once bright light is suddenly dimming
Take all this pain away
and let it return to the way it was yesterday

THOSE TIMES
Everything you say to me,
are words as true and it can be
Hearing those words set me free,
to a wonderful world with so much to see

Be there with me in the wonderful place
and don't hide your beautiful face.
Standing out beneath the space,
crying, smiling, filled with grace

Leave me bedazzled and mesmerized
for only now have i realised,
that our dear friendship has been jeopardised,
till we've now become as cold as ice

Now all i can do is hope in vain
Sobbing, Crying, Hiding my pain
now my life has turned mundance
Sitting all alone in this small dark lane.

HAHAHA. did you enjoy your read?. hope you did. till next time!
p.s. you changed my life, i know i have changed yours too, be it good or bad.
CYAH PEEPS!

`I would do anything, girl you need only ask

Awkward much?

2010-08-17T19:34:00.002+08:00

Today was bad.. or rather it was half and half?..

it was both a good and a bad day..
more bad i guess?.

well basically today was the NE comm debrief meeting.. i reached earliest. thats besides the point. anyways.. well. i never felt more lonely in class than today.. other and hanjie and shulin who talked to me.. the rest were like total strangers.. i hardly talked to charm and the whole grp.. and also yvonne and the whole grp.. even when they left there was no bye. or like cyah later or something.. it was just.. disappeaar. i dunno.. it felt damn awkward. .like really.. i never felt more apart from the class.. basically the whole 1 hr plus. i said less than 10 words to the whole of charms grp and yvonnes grp.. not including rambert uh.. then later when i left to meet mum and sis and aunt for lunch.. then i went to safra where yvonnes grp were playing. i felt even more "extra". i felt so out you know.. i mean.. maybe its me.. but the feeling was different already.. like something happened that made me awkward with them.. i dunno what though.. but i dunno.. today was just REALLY REALLY awkward. for me that is..

on the happier note.. i got A for CEM.. THANKFULLY. also.. charm looked REALLY REALLY pretty.. i was totally like mesmerized.. her new hairdo and all.. there was like a glow to her.. sadly i din talk to her at all today.. but on happier note.. played pool and billiard with rambert and jianyong.. which was quite fun.. honestly.. haven had this much fun playing pool in a while.. also ermm.. just had fun i guess..

but the wait for the bus and the lack of a earphone and the full bus totally ruined my mood.. oh well.. it ended sad i guess.. well.. hope everything gets better.. though it probably wun. i dunno.. drus u reading this?.. hai.. how?.. i dunno what to do..

feel weird now and i dun really know who to talk to about it..

till next time..

`you got me hypnotised so mesmerized

regret much?

2010-08-10T23:33:00.003+08:00

yeah call me emo whatever.
basically its funny to put down like happy thoughts. plus it wun be as interesting a read.

anyways. the whole NDC thing is over. thankfully.
on the whole.. the class became closer.. i on the other hand.. never felt more drifted to my grp of friends in the class.. i suppose its just a whole pile up of things that led to it?

i dunno.. first the charm thing.. ever since then we haven really like talked much. and shes in their grp. .so probably talk less with clar fad and all and drift from them. (i kinda predicted this when i chose to go over to hanjies grp).. then came the kat thing.. the whole situation really screwed up everything?. then now its like.. i dun even feel comfortable with charm clar fad and all anymore.. i really want to you know?.. even with yvonne and all i feel so drifted.. i feel so sad.. i mean.. i used to love hanging out with all of them.. now i feel that if i hang out with all of them.. i can feel that they feel awkward?.. they dun feel comfortable with me anymore.. i duno. dun tink they'll ever read this thing.. but honestly.. i really feel quite drifted from them. i feel sad because i feel that now in class i wun have anyone to talk to comfortably?. i miss the times where there were no politics.

first the charm thing.. me and her really hardly talk unless school work.. and as the event went by.. i could feel myself drifting further and further from her.. like somehow her perception of me changed and that i'm not the person she thought me out to be.. then its like.. during the debrief i rmb the words that came out of her mouth.. "we were disappointed". i felt like it was just like a total wake up call.. like it totally hit me. that i was not doing a good job.. but hearing the words come from her mouth.. it felt more hurting.. like really.. i dunno.

i could go on and on bout all the different things that result in this happening.. it all bows down to decisions.. the decisions we made..

in my own defense.. i seriously felt i put in a lot for this event.. just that they don't see it.. i felt super cheated and super sad on the night after the event.. hearing them say that i'm not doing anything.. it was a total breakdown.. like honestly.. i mean.. they are entitled to their own opinions.. but honestly.. other than charm.. i feel i did WAYYYY more than the rest that commented. esp clar and fad. I mean cummon. the balloons i tied alot la.. and the NDC.. i can safely say for the N and the D it was me who put all the balloons.. yuwei was there.. it was only until later that clar they all came to help out.. the fringe events..the setting up of the stalls?.. were they ever there?.. no right?.. the closing and packing.. were they there?.. no right?.. i mean.. just because u put in a little more effort during the main event.. doesnt mean ur entitled to pick on others that dun do as much right?. and i so wanted to shoot back at them during the debrief.. haii. liek the collecting of stuff?.. all the time was my car with rambert.. i totally respect rambert and phyllis for the effort they put in.. seriously.. i tink phyllis can be my witness as to how much i've done.. haii. but everyone is entitled to their own opinions.. and i could have stated my stand.. but while i was sitting in front of the class.. i thought to myself.. even if u say what u wanna say.. issit gonna make everything any better?.. no right?.. so why say it?.. thats what went through my head.. i mean.. less quarrels all the better.. but really.. i felt so demoralised so cheated u noe.. i mean i really really put in alot of effort and to see it left and not recognised i feel very shitty.. it totally sucks.. that night was like seriously one of the few nights i just stayed awake and think about the whole issue even though i was dead tired.. i dunno.. you know now?.. i'm sooooo worried about my grades. should i just accept their comments let mrs thomas be the judge.. or should i explain myself.. i really dun tink i deserved that.. sure phyllis definitely put in more effort.. but.. hai.. i duno.. i'm tinking of just forgoing my grades so as to lessen the conflict and arguments.. like really.. haii. btw.. i'm just voicing out my thoughts. if i offend you in anyway i'm sorry.

its just a really shitty way to end off school and kick off the hols..
the best part is.. i can't share this with anyone you know.

when i dropped a msg to drus saying i was feeling like crap.. a part of me kept holding back.. saying that i shouldn't tell her anything..
but i really really needed someone who could be there.. who could understand..

i really really wanted to open up to drus about it.. but then again. i dunno if she'll tell the rest.. and i dunno if i should really tell her. i mean.. i was touched by her concern.. really.. damn touched.. first time someone asked so much about me.

i didn't do it in the end.

Anyway. just found out that charm fad they all might be going JB tgt?. the power of twitter.. din even noe about it. totally doesn't help my mood. but okay.. btw i know my english is atrocious.. bear with it..

emo much?.. yupp. even i tink so.. but hey.. its my avenue to vent anger and sadness.. bear with it yeah?..

oh and an update on charm.. i feel different now.. i can tell i still really really like her.. but i never felt more apart from her b4.. the 2 times i sent her home during the last wk.. i felt so awkward. .i felt so useless.. like during the ride in the car.. it was really really damn awkward.. haii.. i dunno la.. i'm so lost..

Anyways.. i feel like telling all this to YC.. like really.. shes been listening quite abit too.. i know.. a teacher.. but cool you know?. hahah.

on a happier note. its holidays?. looking forward to CBC with april and all tmrw..
Till next bitching and emo-ing. cyah readers.

`I'm forever yours, faithfully.

welcome back

2010-07-13T00:50:00.002+08:00

haven blogged in a while. haven had the time rather. anyway. here are some updates.

charm thing.. not going too well.. i mean. .some days it feels okay.. some days it feels really weird.

should i just let go?

was thinking about it that day.. and i tell you. radio really plays tricks on your mind?. well basically when i was thinking about it that day in the car, i decided to turn down the radio so i could really think. then when i finally decide to turn on the radio.. it played "If I let you go- Westlife". totally like.. wahh laoo.

anyways, i just miss the times where she would come and talk to me. like as friends or normally, now the only times we talk is when we're doing work.

On a happier note, i'm getting closer with my classmates.. esp yvonnes grp.. think they're damn cute.. seriously.. their whole grp is like. when i'm with them i always laugh at their randomness and their cuteness.. and they never fail to make me happy.. esp drusilla.. i tell you. .shes like. happy happy happy person.. hahaha.. then theres the rest.. they're all super nice ppl.. really thankful to have classmates like them..

anyway.. CEM is going fine.. but i'm kinda feeling the heat?.. the stress and all.. and also i kinda find it a bit hard to feel stressed and angry.. and not show it.. u know.. u wouldn't want ppl to see your sulky and glum and sian face.. so you smile whenever you can.. plus i'm the chairperson. so i have to set an example.. if i breakdown. everyone will be like.. hai.. i duno.. but i'm kinda feeling it now.. the other subjects are ookay i guess.

who reads this blog anyway?. was contemplating if i should tell anyone in my class about this blog, although michelle might know.. but the rest?. should i let them see what i truly feel?.

My classmates see me as a nice guy as a leader, but honestly speaking, i don't fit those roles.. i'm no where near being a nice guy.. i tink i'm like really a horrible person.. then like. .as for the leadership.. the only reason they would see me that way is coz i try to get along with everyone and i do my work coz i have to.. not coz i like it. matthias kinda changed my poly life and i'm thankful to him for that..

i'm not who you think i am i guess.. am i? someone tell me.

AND FYI.. i'm not emo pls!. hahaha.. just voicing out thoughts here.. (THIS IS TO THE AWEZUM ZAO).

till next time.
Cheers..

`i will never know, what my life would be holding you close to me.

today was NOT a fairytale

2010-06-09T22:00:00.001+08:00

Today was a HORRRIBLE DAY.

anddd.. i expect much much more to come.

Awkward?. yup it sure was.

liking it? you freaking kidding me?

what to do about it?. you tell me.

thoughts.

2010-05-31T23:39:00.003+08:00

Why does the urge to let someone know you like/love them always overpower the consequences?

i told myself this might happen and it probably will, yet i still went through with it.

and now? regret much?

I just thought i'd be happier, thought it'll all be better.
wishful thinking on my part i guess.
which is always the case.
if you look at the past on this blog, you've probably seen that sentence like countless times.

and you know what the worse part about this is?
each time it happens, the pain is worse, it adds on the whatever you've felt the previous time,
which makes it all the more worse.

it makes you feel lousy,
makes you feel that you're just not that good
makes you feel that you're not worthy of anyone.
makes you feel that you'll never be accepted by anyone.
makes you feel that maybe, you're just not a person someone would love

i feel all of that,
when kat said.. "to be honest, we all thought she'd be more mature about it, just give it time john"

all i could think of was, " if she's this way now, its how she truly feels and would react to something, time won't help, time will just make her feelings and reactions grow less significant. When her actual reaction and true reaction is the one she's giving now, and all time would do is leave this feeling hiden somewhere. The thing is, it's always gonna be there, just whether she chooses to see it".

then when i told april that i've told her.. she said.. " i thought you said you weren't going to tell?"

first thing that came to my mind " regret much?"

now i do, i just want it to be the way it used to be.
when fad said to me. "john, charms avoiding you."

its like a shot through the heart.

i'm emo now.. i know..
but i realised something, when you're emo and thinking, you realise a lot of things which are true, and which are your true feelings, its just you chose not to believe it.

if you ever read this, I'm sorry for my timing of telling you, i'm sorry i told you, i'm sorry for everything, but i don't like what this has become, i don't like the way we are to each other now. I loved the way it used to be. you're an awesome person, really nice. i just wanna sit down and talk to you because theres just so much i want to say.

`sometimes change can be so scary

bad day

2010-05-24T20:57:00.001+08:00

REGRET MUCH?. TOTALLY

today was a HORRIBLE day..
and i expect more to come.. =(

sadddd..

2010-05-23T13:01:00.001+08:00

Regret much?

yup..
sure do..

regret much?

`and bad mistakes, i've made a few.

happy sad?

2010-05-18T23:04:00.001+08:00

i did it..

i plucked up the courage and did it..

but not exactly what i expected.

`it's a kinda magic

screwed

2010-05-15T12:00:00.002+08:00

beating myself up..
all coz i couldn't do it
all coz i din have the guts to do it..
alll coz i was too scared..

and now?
everything is hanging.
and theres not a damn thing i can do about it..

`do you know whats worth fighting for?

tired out

2010-05-04T18:19:00.002+08:00

i'm tired. really just tired.

today during CEM, mrs thomas went on and on about the things we needed to put into our proposal.. i nodded.. i understood.. but it was just so overwhelming you know?

also, being in a different group with the people i'm comfortable with, is now taking its toll on me.
seeing how happy the other grp is.. or rather.. the other half of the class, they're so happy, yet my grp is so work oriented.. so bored.. no fun at all.. i chose it this way.. thats what i always tell myself.. i made the compromise..

also, having to put up a happy face and brighten everyone's mood despite myself being totally drained and exhausted.. seeing a smile on someone elses face just makes my day that bit better.

theres so much work, so little time..
the thing is, i don't feel a least bit comfortable with my grp. and that actually leads to no mood to do work which in turn leads to bad performance..

seeing how people like rosanne and sheeny who put so much effort in, even though they're known to be lazy and not contribute and not do their work.. yet they contributed.. they handed their part in on time.. and me.. being the leader.. should set an example.. shouldn't i?

i just wished i was in the other half of the class.. they have so much fun, and they're comfortable.
oh how i wish.. oh well..

on the bright side, things are going good with charm.. anddd.. group members are doing their work.. =)

`just call my name, and i'll be there

Tired day.

2010-04-30T12:08:00.003+08:00

just seeing you makes me happy,
like today, we didn't say anything to each other at all..
but going to school just to see you makes me happy.

but, when i leave school, i spend the whole day just thinking about you

plus, the burn gang has 7 ppl..
i'll probably drift away.
coz the groups are that way.

`you deserve nothing short of amazing, and i know i can't give you that.

DEAD?

2010-04-27T22:50:00.003+08:00

okay okay.. so i've been through almost 1 and a half wks of lesson.. and i tell you.. i'm gonna die this sem.. if i don't die.. it'll be close to death..

first, i'm working with a new grp.. which after a few meetings is quite okay. .so i'm okay with that.. as long as it stays that way..

second.. read this carefully..MY CLASS IS GOING TO BE IN CHARGE OF PLANNING, ORGANISING AND EXECUTING TP'S NATIONAL DAY CELEBRATION..
yes.. the programme.. the timeline.. the budget.. the food.. the goody bags.. the SPONSORS.. the guests of honours.. the decorations.. the involvement.. the proposal.. the printing of banners posters, logistics.. lightings.. mikes.. performances.. and many many many more.. it is for our subject of Corporate events management.. i tell you.. we're gonna die.. we have to come up with a proposal that is TOP NOTCH.. and consists of everything i mentioned above IN DETAIL.. which is gonna be hell hell hell... and we're suppose to present it to TP's NE board.. and we will have representatives from the class going to be in NE meetings and all.. crazy much?.. u know?. thats only 1 subject.. and the weightage of this whole thing?.. 45% only.. crazy uh?.. thats why i said.. i'm gonna die..

3rd.. thats is only 1 subject.. i've got like 4 other subjects to cope with.. i'm going to DIE DIE DIE..

4th.. charm is not in my grp.. for the corporate events management thing.. for the proposal first.. we split into 4 grps.. but 2 grps working with each other.. meaning to say.. the class is split into half.. and ALL my friends who i'm closer to are in the other half.. which totally SUCKS.. the only one i've got in my grp is michelle.. thats the only plus.. i'm hoping in tmrws subject.. coz we need 5 grps of 5.. that me and her will be in the same grp.. PLS PLS PLS.. OH and did i mention.. each grp has to have a leader.. i'm the LEADER for my half of the class.. which means i WORK MORE..

WELL.. people.. enjoyed reading?.. hahaha.. my misery.. oh wel.. hope it all works out..
till next time. .heres a video i saw on tv today.. when i was flipping channels i saw it on ellen.. and i thought he's really good.. he's Keith Urban btw.. nicole kidmans husband.. country singer.. btw.. if ur on laptops i suggest u pluck in some speakers.. sounds better that way.. btw. just for info puprposes.. i''ve watched and he's one of the better singers LIVE.

`only you can love me this way

how?

2010-04-21T22:13:00.003+08:00

how do i say something i really want to say?

Without letting what i've said affect whats happening now?

how do i let you know without letting it affect our friendship?

how do i?

every night i ponder,
and every night i come to the same conclusion

perhaps its best if i just don't say anything.

but then again, every night i tell myself
"you'll regret not telling her, better to have said what you wanted and deal with the outcome, rather than spending your whole life wondering what could have been"

so? how?

`you're the reason i go to school even if i'm sick. you just make it all go away. =)

2010-04-20T19:48:00.002+08:00

Hello hello.. its been a while since i've blogged yeah?..
shall just blog about stuff i rmb yeahh..

firstly.. met up with my 2.1 group!.. matt veto huimin and shuyu.. we went to CBC and we had a BLAST!.. damn fun with them.. we bowled... and sang.. singing was damn awesome.. =)).. FUN FUN FUN.. hahaha.. photos and videos are on fb.. so yup.. have a look.. =)..

Next next, was kinda dissapointed that wasn't able to meet up with the burn gang.. so yeahh.. everyone was busy and had their plans and all.. so yeah.. anyways i met them already.. shall explain more later..

So yeah... more on that.. started my senior year at TP already.. year 3 peeps.. din change class.. which i felt was quite awesome.. but again.. wasn't that great in the end.. so yeahh.. again.. i'll explain more.. so anyways.. my timetable isn't exactly like.. AWESOMe.. but i find it pretty okayy.. anyways.. met up with my new CP already.. hes quite okay.. quite nice.. then also found out that we're gonna be planning the National day celebration for TP as part of one of our subjects.. which is totally SIAO.. anyways.. that wasn't the problem.. for now that is..

Kat and fad really wanted to get a good grp for themselves.. which from the get go i felt really unfair.. but then again.. it hasn't happened yet.. soo.. during the CEM lesson.. we had to regroup.. coz kat and fad raised their hands when mrs thomas asked who wans to change grp... so druscillas's grp had no issues.. so they left first.. which meant that we 3 grps left to sort the grps out.. had SOOO many issues.. kat and fad like indirectly told selvi and liz that they dun wan them in the grp.. which i felt was overdoing it?.. anyways.. amidst the shuffling.. sheeny and rossane were put with kat and fad along with clare and charm.. but once they heard that.. they said they would rather have selvi and liz if that was the case.. i mean.. not saying they're wrong.. but if thy were liz and selvi.. how would u feel?.. like 2nd hand goods kinda thing?.. ahh.. that was problems for class.. other that that its been fine.. shall not elaborate more.. anyways i really wanted to be in the same grp as charm.. but in the end din happen.. so yeahh..

other than that.. nothing much happened.. i'm sick now.. which totally sucks..
peace out.. =)

`you're the reason i go to school everyday. =)

Genting

2010-03-30T11:34:00.002+08:00

HELLO.

its afternoon now.. or rather late morning..

i'm in genting.. accompanying my mum.. shes gambling.. while i'm in the room with my laptop and ps2 killing time.. hahaha..

quite relaxing.. just quite bored..

also kinda sore and beating myself up.. coz i don't get to meet the burn gang this week.. they're meeting on wednesday and i wun be in sg.. which kinda sucks.. oh well.. hopefully i'll meet them soon..

anyways.. shall update more soon.. i'm gonna get my lunch.. cyah!

`I'm not a stalker, i just know my way around the internet.. =)

Invisible man

2010-03-25T23:42:00.002+08:00

hello hello

firstly, i'm kinda sad.. or rather. .dissapointed.. coz alot of the plans din really pan out..

first.. din get to meet matt veto and all.. in the end got cancelled.. coz they can't make it.. so i was kinda dissapointed.. like sad ah.. coz was looking forward to it..

second.. din meet the burn gang either.. coz some were sick and others couldn't make it.. this one i was really like.. down.. u know.. i was REALLY looking forward to it.. oh well.. sad..

On the lighter and happier note.. i went to buffet with mos and all.. haven seen them in a while.. then after that headed to CBC with otah mao april and jy oso.. had fun singing and bowling.. enjoyed.. oh and also.. today i went to uncle wilson's house to have this pork chop that his maid cooked.. it was NICE..

looking forward to sat.. going to timbre with nest zao and all. HOPEFULLY we get a seat.. planning to go early to get the seats.. kinda pissed off.. tried to make a reservation.. for this sat.. and i made the reservation on MONDAY.. and they said reservation closed already.. was.. URGH...

oh well.. jy ron and garner gonna come early as well.. so hopefully it wun be that bad.. hopefully get to drive there.. asked bro already.. he said he'll confirm tmrw..

oh.. i heard this 98 degrees.. old school song on radio.. kinda listening to it now.. its called Invisible Man. check it out.. pretty nice.. oh and because of you by them as well.. hahaha.. boyband era.. hahaha!..

oh btw.. in case u guys din really notice.. i quote something at the end of every post.. most of the time song lyrics.. kinda describing my feeling at the time of the post.. pretty cool?.. hahaha.. till next time..

Thankyouveryniceyouaresomuch.. HAHA.

`Baby to you all i am is the invisible man.

Boredfest

2010-03-18T01:02:00.003+08:00

hello hello.. its hols already.. or rather.. its been hols for quite a while..

anyways.. few updates..

oh.. i got results already.. kinda expected cept for a few.. expected to do better for Corp Comm. but oh well.. the rest were kinda expected.

Principles of Corporate Communication- C+
Communication Skills 2- B
Clubs and Resorts- C
Corporate Journalism and Publication-B
Travel and leisure- B

so yeah.. thats my results.. oh well.. GPA went up.. so pretty okay with it..
in other news..

I FOUND MY XI YAO KAI UNCLE!.
hahahaha.. its this uncle who used to sell this sauce chicken rice opposite my house.. its awesome.. i bought from him like every other day.. he always give me extra.. give me more stuff.. damn shiok damn nice.. but couple of months back.. he CLOSED down!.. like suddenly dissapeared.. i tell you.. i was damn sad.. hahahaha!.. so i've been like craving for his food for damn long.. and guess wad?.. I FOUND HIM.. hahahaha.. he now sells at parkway there.. little further.. but hell!..its AWESOME!.. hahaha.. okay.. i know.. abit dumb.. hahahaha.. it brightened my day yesterday.. hahaha!

ermm.. what else..
oh.. parents in macau now.. which meant that i could have used the car for these few days without anyone making noise or fighting over it.. but!.. NO ONE TO GO OUT WITH.. damn sad.. =(.. jy alson lc april working... chris oso working.. burn gang some not around.. supposed to go CBC today!.. but garner last minute cancel.. suppose to go with ron brandon and garner.. but in the end left 3 of us.. abit sian.. so cancelled.. damn sian.. i only drove the car to like.. random places.. the only place i drove to enjoy was soccer.. drove to melville.. was damn fun.. but damn tiring.. damn long never exercise.. today back pain leg pain all.. damn sore.. anyways.. other than that its been driving to buy Macs.. driving bro to work.. all that.. nothing else.. oh well..

kinda looking forward to next wk.. hopefully can go CBC with otah lc they all.. but also i might be meeting the burn peeps next week!.. so AWESOME.. =).. also meeting matt veto huimin and shuyu to go CBC!.. so looking forward to it!.. hahahaah!.. i kinda wanna meet cherelle.. haven talked to her in a while.. chris oso.. ahh.. too many ppl.. too little time.. hahaha.. let me know if you guys are free!.. i'm bored!.. hahaha!

what else what else.. ohh.. u probably would have noticed.. i kinda put some songs on my blog.. just some stuff i listen to sometimes.. i've been trying to put up a song at least for a while.. but the stupid website is screwed up.. so i finally got to put some songs in.. so yup.. its right at the bottom.. 4 songs if i'm not wrong..

Our Song- Taylor Swift
God Bless the Broken Road- Rascal Flatts
Picture to burn- Taylor Swift
Kiss a Girl- Keith Urban

Wanted to put more songs. but the website screwed up before i could. .so yupp.. been lazing around at home this few days.. cleaned toilet.. did some house work.. i watched a couple of movies..

been listening to Swifty!.. hahaha.. taylor swift.. so yup.. haven had the time to listen since nest sent me the songs couple of months ago..oh speaking of which.. haven met zao and the rest in a while too.. oh wel.. tinking of organising a timbre session next sat..

this is a really long post i tink.. i've been typing quite long.. haahha..
oh yeah.. also been watching stuff on youtube.. glee interviews.. oh btw.. i tink Dianna Agron is DAMN PRETTY.. hahaha.. she plays quinn in glee anyways.. hahaha.. oh well.. search for her if you wanna find her.. =).. she doesn't photograph very well though.. most of her picts don't look very nice.. shall post a picture..

There!... Pretty?. hahaha.. oh well. .i tink she is!.. =)
well..

oh yeah!.. forgot.. there was this mahjong competition at CBC.. i took part in one last time.. did better in this one than the previous.. i got 21/64 ppl.. so not so bad ah.. hahaha.. its this thing where u draw lots to see who you play with at your table of 4.. then you each have 500 dollars worth of chips.. so after 1 round. .the dong nan xi bei.. count your chips. 3 different rounds.. with 3 diff sets of ppl.. then total up your chips.. whoever has the most wins.. hahaha... i got 21.. so yeah.. Mum and dad did better though. dad was 2nd after the first round and 4th aftr the second round.. but he screwed up his last round. .so got 19th in the end.. mum got 11th i tink..

what else what else.. well.. thats all i rmb for now i guess.. =).. till next time!..
TATA~~~

`if i knew how to tell you, whats on my mind, make you understand. that i'll always be there, right by your side.

CNY END~

2010-03-03T13:39:00.002+08:00

hello.. okay soo heres what happened..

Saturday was this Lou Hei night thingy at CBC.. it was really fun.. honestly.. everything was good.. food was good.. dancing was good.. lion dance was AWESOME.. contortionist were good.. it was overall fun.. had quite a fun time there.. collected a few ang baos oso.. so not so bad.. hahaha.. then anyways.. i drove home that day coz dad was abit off.. drank too much.. so yupp..

Sunday was lotsa ppl coming over to our place.. we made NEM.. this vietnamese spring roll kinda thing.. was SUPER awesome.. anyway.. EMMA JANE IS SOO CUTTEE.. hahaha.. anyways.. was pretty fun and slack around kinda thing.. so yupp..

Monday was my PCC paper.. it was okay.. good in fact.. think i'll be able to do quite okay with it.. anyways.. after that went out with the burn peeps.. hahaha.. was FUN.. kinda enjoy being with them.. like hanging out and stuff.. anyways kat and all were giving me this look.. hahaha.. coz of charm thingy.. but yeahh.. anyways.. later in the night.. relatives.. again they came over.. made spaghetti.. which was oso AWESOME.. hahaha.. then they played cards.. i played a while only.. after that met alson and gay for billiards... then home.. slept..

Tuesday.. played MJ with alson tah and garner.. won $10.. not so bad.. other part of the day were just pretty much slacking around..

today.. SLACK SLACK SLACK..

anyways.. i wonder if charm noes about it.. like clarence or kat kinda told her.. coz she talked more to me then she usually does on monday.. so yeah.. was just wondering,.. oh well.. we shall see how it goes... OH.. another thing. i might be changing clas.. which TOTALLY is crap.. really.. just hope got into a class a ppl that are nice.. i kinda like my current class now.. like it alot.. dun wanna change.. only part i wouldn't mind changing is maybe having matt and veto in our class as well.. oh well. HOPE HOPE HOPE!.

`fear can hold you prisoner, hope can set you free.

back back backk..

2010-02-25T19:54:00.002+08:00

HELLO..

i just got back from malacca yest!.. hahaah.. was a short trip..2 days 1 night.. spent it with mum uncle guivant and aunty irene.. hahah.. was quite okay.. quite relaxing.. we went to the place they flimed the little nyona thing.. quite cool..

anyways.. been watching little nyona.. kinda wanna see waht the whole hype was about.. quite cool.. realise that alot of the things that are in the show i oso do.. or rather mama used to make me do kinda thing.. i'm peranakan btw.. for those that dunno.. hahaha. quite cool la.. alot of the things can relate to.. so yeah.. quite interesting.. plus mum has the DVDs.. so kinda can watch anytime i want.. so yupp.. been watching with mum though.. hahaha.. quite cool la in whole.. like they pound the nyona spices and stuff.. i oso do that!.. hahaha!.. pound garlic and all.. quite cool la!.. hahahah!!

anyways.. kinda waiting for monday to be over.. last and only paper.. feel quite good if i can get it over with.. oh and charm and the rest are planning a picnic kinda thing on monday after paper.. which i'm quite looking forward to.. hahaha.. :D..

oh anyways i told kat and clarence bout charm oso.. so yup..

hoping for the best then.. not hoping for much though.. shes AWESOME.

`Fell in love when I saw you standing there

ALL ABOUT ME

2010-02-21T01:57:00.002+08:00

Dear John Teo Wei Yee, below are your Personality Tests result:
Who is your true self: You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.
Your view on yourself:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are down-to-earth
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :People like you because you are so straightforward
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both si
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You like serious
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Smart
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Determined people
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You don't judge a book by its cover
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :So good-looking people aren't necessarily your style
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes
Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you meet that person
The seriousness of your love:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are very serious about relationships
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :If you meet the right person
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You will fall deeply
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Beautifully in love
Your views on education:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Education is less important than the real world out there
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Away from the classroom
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Deep inside you want to start working
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Earning money
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Living on your own
The right job for you:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You have many goals
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Want to achieve as much as you can
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :The jobs you enjoy are those that let you burn off your considerable energy
How do you view success:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Nothing will stop you from trying
What are you most afraid of:
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :You are concerned about your image
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :The way others see you
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :It's time for you to believe in who you are
Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ :Not what you wear

i tink its quite true?.. what do you think?.. tag board.. comments.. =).. btw.. i noe some parts are cut out..

anyways.. today went to uncle cecils house for dinner.. LAMB.. GOOD FOOD!.. =).. anyways.. EMMA JANE IS DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CUTE.. and she got a tummy too!.. hahaha!.. shes only 1 btw.. but she understands what we say.. like today... me and my sis were sitting in the living room at their place.. then my dad was all the way across the room.. so emma was jumping around.. walking around.. then me and my sis said to her.." EMMA!.. go and beat uncle dannY!".. then she walked across the living room and beat my dad!.. HAHAAH!.. damn cute la!.. then also also!.. shes damn greedy man!.. always want food.. then she will run to diff ppl for food!.. damn funny.. then they everytime say to her.. "say pls!..".. then she will.. "pls!". then she open her mouth!.. hahaha!.. shes only 1 u noe!.. awesome la!.. hahaha!.. anyways.. monday is our steamboat at charms placE!.. looking forward to it.. =).. hahaha!.. till next time!..

CYAH PEEPS!.

`if you could see that i'm the one who understands you.

CNY and VALENTINES

2010-02-17T01:00:00.003+08:00

hello my dear readers..

i'm currently sitting in changi beach club suite.. playing scrabble with my mum sis and cousin coz we're bored.. its 1am anyways.. hahah!

so.. i thought shall blog about my chinese new year yeah?.. didn't have anyone to celebrate valentines day with.. so yeah. oh well.. anyways.. first day of CNY ppl come over.. and we went to ppls house. .same old same old.. hahaha!.. was pretty fun though.. hahaha...

so anyways.. from 2nd day onwards.. we headed to CBC to stay at the chalet.. my mum booked the suite for my family and 2 normal rooms for my cousins and uncles and aunties.. so yuppp.. was damn fun.. or rahter is damn fun.. first day was just slacking around. .went swimming..oso played PS2.. oh and and.. my cousin EMMA JANE IS DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN DAMN CUTE!!!.. hahahah.. shes only 1 year old btw.. hahaha.. damn CUTE!.. hahahah!.. anyways.. got karaoke.. cards and alot of stuff

anyway.. second day we got up and went bowling.. till bout 1 ish.. then we had lunch.. after that went to play table tennis.. damn fun oso!.. after that went to play billiards and pool.. hahaha.. all this was in CBC.. changi beach club is awesome man!.. hahaha!.. anyways.. after that.. came back to the room and slacked around a while... ordered pizza.. went to sing K a while.. then later food came.. ate.. then we played blackjack.. i lost $4.. hahahahah.. anyways.. SUPER FUN.. hahaha...

gonna meet up with charm and the rest soon.. i hope.. the burn book gang as they call it.. hahaha!.. anyways.. kinda miss them.. so yup... hope i'll see them soon..

till next time!.. cyah peeps!

`i'd give the world for you, yet you'll never know it.

Class

2010-02-09T21:40:00.002+08:00

Today was kinda the last day of school for my WHOLE classs tgt.. some of us still got interview tmrw..

well.. honestly speaking.. i kinda miss my class ppl already..
not to say my other classes weren't close.. i tink among my 3 different classes.. in poly that is.. this one would be the closest already.. teachers kinda like coming to our class as well..

basically even though we had our own cliques.. we were really damn close to one another.. which i really really loved.. esp drusilla's grp and the rest of the class.. they're so cute!.. hahaah!

today we kinda took some pictures and all in class!.. damn fun!.. hahaha.. we totally spam crystal's camera.. hahaha.. it was nice.. can feel the bond you know?.. gonna miss them alot if we change class next sem.. hope we don't!..

oh and i'm kinda gonna miss our tutors as well.. they've been good!.. really.. almost all that is.. and almost all of them like our class.. coz we're fun!.. even the other class ppl are kinda jealous of our class!.. hahaha. .sadlly we din get to take a class photo tgt!.. hopefully we dun change class next sem..

anyways. for me its last interview tmrw!.. then FREEE!.. =).. until 1st march one paper.. thats it!.. =)))))... gonna misss this class alot.. on my way home today was lauhghing and thinking of all the good times in the class.. tink ppl who looked at me tink i'm siao.. coz i was like laughing at myself on the bus.. hahaha!. oh well!..

anyways.. grp mates kinda trying to find out who my crush is.. hahaha!.. and i kinda told them that someone from our class noes. which is michelle.. and matthias oso noes.. i told them cherelle noes oso.. but they dunno cherelle. .so its fine.. then they dun noe that it is michelle who noes as well.. so yupp.. hahaha!.. hope they dun find out.. i dun intend to tell her.. thats the thing.. coz i know she deserves so much better and she won't like me back.. shes toooooo nice.. and if it does come out.. it'll be very awkward.. for all of us.. so yeahh.. hope nothing happens.. =)..

till next time.. TATA~

`God bless the broken road, that led me straight to you.

Birthday!

2010-02-04T23:29:00.002+08:00

I just realised, i never posted what i did on my bday.. hahaha.. or rather.. for my bday.. so lets see..

Oh.. first was celebration with family.. was a co celebration thingy with cous.. coz his bday is 18jan.. anyways celebrated on the wkend before my actual bday.. or was it 2 wkends b4?.. can't rmb.. anyways.. we went to CBC to eat the buffet.. which if i rmb correctly was nice.. had tempura.. roast beef.. lamb.. basically stuff i like. .which is AWESOME!.. =)... nice nice.. hahaha!.. anyways.. waiting for sis to post the pics on FB.. u can see there!.. got a few already.. the one with me and cous both wearing the liverpool jersey.. hahaha.. and kor use photoshop to put aPuilani on mine.. instead of the real one on terny's.. Aquilani.. hahaha.. anyways.. sang K after the buffet.. was fun!.. =)

Next.. was the soccer session at melville on the night b4 my bday.. basically the guys came and we played soccer for the night.. was really fun.. haven played soccer all of us in a while.. oh and JASON was there!.. haven seen him in like.. AGES.. was quite happy that he was there.. then also the rest of them.. fun fun.. enjoyed!.. after soccer headed to weilie's house de coffee shop was liverpool match.. hahaha.. was damn fun.. i honestly enjoyed alot.. been a while..

then next day.. my ACTUAL bday.. met up with nest zao sasa gerald for lunch.. had lunch at marina square.. orignial plan was to eat seoul garden.. which i was kinda craving for.. but it was super crowded.. so we settled at billy bombers instead.. oh well.. anyways.. was nice catchin up with them too!.. hahaha.. really.. we sat down and chit chat alot.. though alot din turn up.. i still enjoyed.. really.. sat down and talked and bitched about other ppl.. HAHA!.. enjoyed!.. we all went our own ways about 5ish.. so i headed home.. then went for dinner with family at.. HAN RIVER!.. hahaah.. which totally satisfied my craving for seoul garden!.. in case u dunno.. han river is like a seoul garden.. which was AWESOME!.. hahaha!.. ENJOYED!.. =)

so the last one was with my year 2.2 classmates.. which was TODAY!.. I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!.. =)... it was held at charmaines house.. charm la.. we all call her that.. charms house.. it was nice!.. they had like lotsa surprises!.. was totally enjoying!.. oh and charm was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO nice!.. she cooked for us.. and she baked a brownie cake for me!.. =))))).. i totally LOVED it. she was so nice!.. hahaha!.. anyways.. we spent some time studying too.. loved the company!.. picts will be up on FB soon.. hahaha!.. anyways.. was damn nice.. oh and selvi suspects i like charm.. shes GOOD man.. hahaha!.. anyways.. charm planned everything.. which was really nice.. and she also got everyone to get gifts.. the original plan was everyone get 3 gifts.. and do like a nice write-up as well.. but in the end only selvi did the write up thing.. hahaha.. but it was all nice!.. =) LOVED IT..=).

overall!.. my bday was FUN!.. and i loved it!.. =)

wanted to have like a meeting with my 2.1 class.. Matt veto huimin they all.. and also with my year 1 classmates.. cherelle chris ly mich they all.. but this wk was kinda like the cruch week.. project submissions.. tests.. everything.. at least for me it was la.. so din have the time..then abit weird to have it like next wk.. so like.. so far away already.. hahaah!.. oh well. maybe next year?.. hahaha!.. =)

Anyways!.. PEACE OUT PPL!.. or rather..PEACE OUT CHERELLE!.. seems like you're my only reader.. HAHA!.. =)

`when our heart desires something, no matter how hard to fight it, your body will still follow

LONG LONG AGO

2010-02-03T00:18:00.002+08:00

I MISS MATTHIAS VETO that group.. it was so carefree doing project..
and we still produced quality work..

Now my group is... haii.. so many problems u know?

guys, if you're reading this SOMEHOW, Don't get pissed. i just need to rant

Firstly, Kat wans things done her way. So shes being really demanding about things. Which is not a bad thing, sometimes she takes it overboard u get me?. but overall. Kat is the one that has been constantly producing good work and doing her work. Sometimes i feel shes the only one that really does and produces quality work. but she needs to use her time more practically.. i kinda don't really like it when we are as a group and in the end we end up playing cards more than doing work.. then later she stresses herself at starbucks coz work is not done.. the thing is.. its so much easier to do it as a group so if u have any questions u can ask immediately.. but she ends up playing cards.. which really wastes the time.. but to be honest, among all the grp members.. Kat does the most..

Next, Fad. Sure she has driving. but its so hard to do work without her. and her driving has to be in the crunch period. the period we have to rush the most. so its harder to get work done.. which is damn hard.. her part on the evaluation is not done yet. which is totally crap coz it halts all of our progress you know?.. Also, she wans the grade.. she tinks she has put in the work.. but if you look at the work you produce fad.. do you tink its good enough?.. you know, when i look at her work.. it gives me the impression that shes like doing for the sake of doing.. not putting in effort.. its like the mentality of finishing can already.. doesn't have to be good.. then how do you expect to get a good grade liddat?... then she bitches about other things.. Fad makes it seem like shes doing a lot.. but her work is not great.. so yeah

Liz- i dunno how no one notices that she is so slack.. she doesn't do ANYTHING.. she's no better than sharifah.. she makes it seem like shes really involved.. sure she attends all the grp meetings.. but what does she do?.. sing to herself?.. watch youtube videos?.. she doesn't do ANYTHING.. shes just as clueless and sharifah you know?.. yet no one notices it.. or rather no one tells her about it.. which is totally crap.. i'm gonna mark her down for projects.. seriously. .she does NOTHING

Selvi- i can see she puts in effort.. shes like diligently working.. but she gets distracted easily.. but selvi can really do work if tasked to do so.. the thing about selvi is.. she doesn't produce quality work. which i tink is okay because she does her work and tries her best.. also.. her work doesn't come off as slip short.. doesn't come off as doing for the sake of doing like fads.. u get me?.. she just doesn't produce as good work..

Sharifah- I AM NOT GOING TO TALK ABOUT HER.. shes BEYOND HORRIBLE.. i can go on and on and on about her. i don't see the point..

Sorry.. i had to say this.. its really pissing me off already..

PLS PROJECTS BE OVER.. and i wanna change group next sem.. SERIOUSLY..

`a group will never be a group without communication.

Love is always present

2010-01-21T00:10:00.004+08:00

Loving the right person at the wrong time, having the wrong person when the time is right, and finding out that you love someone right after that person has walked out of your life. Somtimes you think that you're already over a person, but when you see them smile at you, you suddenly realise that you're just pretending to be over them, just to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again. For some, letting go is a way of expressing how much they love a person, but for others, it is holding on to that special feelings as long as possible before it fades away. Most relationships tend to fail not because of the absence of love, love is always present, it is just that one was being loved too much and the other wasn't being loved enough. Most often, we fall in love with the person we think we love only to discover that for them, we are just a pass time, while the one who truly loves us remains a stranger or a close friend.

Love is always present. You know that. So whatever happens. I believe you will make the right decision. Hope you'll feel better. =)

`The desire is so great, you'd die for it. Yet when you actually obtain it, you'd die to let it go.

2010-01-19T10:22:00.001+08:00

At CheeYangs place, pool

Keiths AWESOME camera and lens. the photographer was standing barely 1 metre away from the first person mind you.. hahaha.

Class gathering

2010-01-17T18:35:00.002+08:00

HELLO WORLD.

hahahah.. lemme talk bout my quite eventful wkend..

Friday night.. headed to mos place.. mini thing for wing.. sat down chit chat.. pokered.. then i left about 9 plus to meet zao and all at timbre mobile. .was nice.. atmostphere.. ghaz told us not to go there though..he says sound system not very good.. coz they can't play loud.. got noise limit or something liddat... anyways.. nice catching up with sasa and all.. then sasa myself garner and ronald went to sing at cash studio at bedok inter.. since we felt like it. .sang to about 3 plus.. then home..

Sat.. headed to CBC to take over mum in mahjong.. coz she had meeting. .drove the altis there!.. hahahaha.. then took over her.. was trying to revive a sinking ship.. almost did.. but got hit again.. hahahaha!.. anyways .after that was dinner. .then headed to a gathering..

I gotta say.. ONE OF THE BEST GATHERINGS I'VE BEEN TO.

know wads the best part?. it wasn't even my class gathering to begin with.. HAHAHAHA
it was a 6E gathering.. but they invited me.. coz i noe pretty much everyone. .so i went.. it was really fun.. LOTSA laughing.. lotsa catching up and all.. and cheeyang's place is nice.. seriously.. his house is like 2 houses combined into 1.. so yah.. it was nice.. had a pool.. so yup.. anyways.. caught up with ppl that i haven seen in ages.. oh and i gotta say.. i tink i'm damn flirt.. coz bout 5 girls went.. and i've liked 3 of them b4.. hahahaha!.. anyways all were in pri school.. and they all look MUCH better now.. hahahaha.. anyway.. wasn't expecting the turnout to be that great.. but i gotta say i was surprised.. bout 27 28?... and bout more than half stayed over.. which was damn nice.. so we mahjonged.. cards.. lotsa stuff.. it was fun... really.. lotsa catching up.. i can really say.. i ENJOYED MYSELF!.. hahahaa.. hope they invite me again if they do have one.. hahaha..

not saying 6C's gatherings not fun.. they are too..
but i really enjoyed this one.. felt good to catch up..
laughing and all... it was nice.. picts should be up on fb soon.. go check it out.. =)..

till next time.

`sometimes when you're a stranger, you would fit in better

a day. a month a year

2010-01-12T23:43:00.002+08:00

hello again.. its been a while.. oh well.. like i said in my previous post.. kinda lost the passion

anyways.. i'm kinda loving my class now.. getting to know ppl better and all.. also getting to be closer with some ppl... so yup.. enjoying it..

soo.. most of my time has been spent on my dearest projects.. yup.. projects.. sucky life huh?

oh anyways!.. for those of you who don't already know.. i PASSED MY DRIVING!..

16 points.. would have been 8.. if not for some dumbass guys who crossed the road.. jaywalk i might add.. and naturally after u cross the road u get away from the side of the road and onto the pavement.. but NO.. this guy.. cross finish. .stop at the kerb.. BASKET.. play hp summore.. wah lan.. for that i kenna 8 points.. dumbshit right.. but important thing is i passed..so YAY!..

other than that its been pretty much projects.. which sucks.. like really sucks mann
oh that day celebrated glads bday.. i enjoyed myself.. felt homely.. felt good.. been a while since it was liddat..

Planning my bday.. IF i can.. any suggestions?.. not like there are many readers.. or if there are any.. but oh wel. .suggestions are welcomed..

other than that.. peace out!. =)

`If she changes her mind, this is the first place she would go.

long long long

2009-12-26T14:12:00.003+08:00

helllo my dead blog.

Haven been updating.. and dun really know wad to update about.. but..
since i'm bored now..

sitting in my hotel room in Penang..
hahaha.. the view from the hotel room is AMAZING.. you see sea view just opening the window.. which is nicee..

been eatin eating eating non stop here.. hell. thats what penang is for.. hahaha..

lets see.. ohh.. i've been going for driving lessons.. had 2 TP checklist already.. like a mock test kinda thing.. the first one got 18 points.. 4 immediate failure.. 2nd one got 12 points 1 immediate failure..so yeahh.. not great huh?.. my test is on the 29th of dec.. wish me luck!.. if anyone is reading this that is.. hahahaah..

oh anyway.. for her 20th bday.. taylor swift cut her hair!.. she looks super super different now.. theres only 1 pic circulating around on the net.. but she doesn't look too good in that pic.. hopefully not as ugly as she looks in that pic.. hahaha.. well.. shes still pretty..

ermm.. haven done my club and resort report yet.. which is not good.. considering that i have to hand it in on monday.. so wish me luck!.. hahaah..

ahh. tinking of closing this blog for good.. lost the passion for blogging..

heading out to shop around now.. cyah peeps!.. :D

`the heart has reasons that reasons cannot understand

Forever was in your eyes.

2009-12-02T00:36:00.003+08:00

I suddenly miss you, Started thinking about you just now.

And how we haven't talked in ages.

and the good times..

I don't know why,

But i kinda hope you're okay. =)

`You were always the cold one, But I was never that sure

HAHAHA

2009-11-29T14:35:00.002+08:00

Tink shes damn cute la.. hahaha!.. funny mann..

Shes looks really skinny in this next video.. but shes pretty.. hahah!

`waiting for something to come along, that was as good as our song

Weekend..

2009-11-27T09:55:00.003+08:00

Its the weekend.. or rather its friday now.. coz its a public holiday..

soo.. my week has been more projects and stuff.. seems like every week is just project project project.. damn sad life.. oh well. anyway.. nothing much happened during the week.. so yeahh.. i'll just mention things i rmb..

rmb the pool competition i mentioned i might be taking part in a few posts ago?.. well i did take part in it.. and i got 2ND!. :D.. got a trophy for it.. quite nice..

erm.. oh.. pics of the wedding and my weekend trip to batam are on fb already.. u can go see if you want.. look for my cute lil cousin emma too.. :D..

i dunno what else to blog about...

oh well.. till next time then..

i'm pretty sure u're not telling the truth

ur not actually okay yet

but i guess u have ur reasons for keeping it to urself

and i respect that

but the more u keep things to yourself

the more you'll hurt

a problem shared is a problem halved

`baby if i told you the right words, at the right time, will you be mine?

Wedding day..

2009-11-22T11:04:00.002+08:00

soo.. yest was the wedding.. it was really fun.. seriously.. i kinda wanna have my wedding that way..

anyways.. ppics probably will be uploaded by my sis on my fb. so yeahh.. i dun have the pics..

soo.. morning woke up to go to church.. was held at OLPS.. then the wedding was nice.. seriously.. then after the whole ceremony.. had a reception downstairs.. then ate.. food was good.. so yupp... anyways.. the dinner was more fun..

So at night.. headed to changi village hotel.. wearing formal.. it was nice.. the entrance of the bride and groom to the ballroom was DAMN cool.. hahahah.. instead of those traditional ones.. they played some rocking music.. dancing music.. then the bestman and the maid of honour and the other girls danced in first.. followed by the bride and groom.. damn cool la!.. they continue to dance down the aisle.. hahahah!.. cool man!.. anyways.. after they came in.. we had our food.. was first time i went to a wedding buffet style.. eat until damn full.. food was AWESOME.. so yeahh.. then after food.. the couple had their first dance!.. nicee.. then later.. they went to change.. then i thought they would just come back normally and all.. but u know waD?.. they came back with dancers and danced to michael jackson!!.. damn COOL LA!.. hahahahhaha.. they danced to beat it.. damn cool man!.. hahahaha.. damn niceee.

Anyways.. had a couple of performances from their friends..the best man and maid of honour speech was hilarious.. laughed alot.. hahaha.. then had some photo taking.. then party!.. hahahaha.. oh ya... their wedding fotos are super nice btw.. quite cool.. enjoyed myself overall.. hahaha.. pics shall be uploaded soon.. anyways.. recently.. have been having dreams of youknowwho.. shall not elaborate.. i dunno why oso..so yeahh.. ask me personally if you wanna know more la..

oh andd.. my previous post saying i miss NP.. ngiam is planning something for us.. but sadly i tink alot of ppl not turning up.. coz its kinda his bday and he just called us along. .so not really a gathering.. plus he oso invited other area 10 CIs.. so i tink the rest abit left out.. so yeahh..

OH.. and i still haven mention bout the girl with cute voice from my classs.. hahahaha.. her name is drusilla anyways.. head start.. more soon!.. =)..

`Isn't it a wonder..

2009-11-18T21:20:00.001+08:00

I suddenly miss NP.. dunno why..
our squad and all

`with my CIs my buddies and me..

WHEE

2009-11-17T22:21:00.002+08:00

today.. had my CJP presentation..

IT WENT WELL!.. AWESOME SHITZXZXZ!.. hahahaha!
after the presentation.. Ms Teo.. or YC... said.. "the only thing i want you to change is your name.. other than that.. this was exactly what i wanted".. we were like AWESOMEE!!.. damn happy mann!... hahahaha.. coz we kinda screwed our PCC.. so yeah.. glad that CJP went well..

other than that.. yest and today has been pretty much projects projects all the way.. so yeahh.. met ppl though.. ly on monday.. cherelle both monday and tues.. and others laa.. so yupp.. then tmrw going to tamp sports complex for the travel and leisure thingy.. then i gotta rush to CDC.. okay not really rush there.. but i gotta rush back.. basically my driving lesson is at.. 2.35-4.15.. and i gotta be in school at 4.30 for PCC consultation.. so yeahh.. cab?.. $$$$$$.. shit mann.. clever la john..

anyways.. cut my hair.. coz it was long.. or rather thick and messy. so yeahh.. then also for the wedding on saturday.. the thing is.. the wedding is formal wear.. but the dinner is not a sit down chinese dinner.. its a western style.. so its buffet... so abit weird.. never been to one like that.. so oh well.. we'll see how it goes.. and its gonna be my first time wearing a suit so yupp.. cool... kinda looking forward to it.. and sunday is gonna be mamas 100days.. so yupp.. time flies uhh..

so yeahh.. thats about it.. i realise everytime i wanna type a short post is always turns out quite long!.. hahaha.. i actually wanted to type more bout this girl in my class who has a damn cute voice.. seriously.. wanted to say it in previous posts.. but too lazy.. and same for now.. sooo.. guess you'll have to wait till next post.. hahaha!..

`Hold on to that feeling

BATAM

2009-11-16T00:22:00.002+08:00

Okay so im back from my trip to batam.. shall blog about it.. no picts though.. pic with sis.. so yeah.. happy reading..

woke up bout 7ish to head to tanah merah ferry terminal.. bout 9 liddat headed to batam on the ferry.. listened to music on the ferry.. was tired.. so yeah. .anyways.. reached batam bout 10.. but they're 1 hr behind.. meaning i left singapore at 9.. reached there at 9 their time.. hahaha.. okay.. so had this shuttle bus thingy that brought us to the resort.. called turi beach.. it was nice.. damn relaxing.. damn nice.. so we went to unload our stuff into the rooms.. then headed to this shopping mall.. ate.. then shopped abit.. not much thoughh.. anyway.. it was raining. .so couldn't do any water sports or anything...

anyway.. after shopping.. back to hotel.. rain stopped.. went ot play pool with bro a while.. then ater that went to swim.. was SUPER low tide.. so couldn't do water sports.. ended up just swimming in the swimming pool.. played charades with bro and sis.. DAMN FUNNY.. laugh like crazy.. anyways.. back to room after that.. slack around.. then dinner was at this seafood kelong thingy.. food was cheap and good.. loved it.. so yeahh.. back to room.. then went to sing karaoke.. sing until no voice.. back to the room bout 12 plus..

Day 2.
woke up at 7 plus.. went to eat breakfast.. after that.. went to do sea sports!.. not much though.. just did the banana boat thing.. damn fun.. hahahahah.. fell off the boat and all. damn funn. hahaha!.. swam abit.. then was bout 10 plus already.. back to the room.. watched the boxing match.. pacquiao against cotto.. damn nice.. damn exciting.. then left the resort bout 1 plus.. ferry.. SINGAPORE..

Few things i realised during the trip.. i tend to tink alot when i'm overseas.. maybe its the environment.. water.. beachh.. stars.. balcony.. u know wad i mean?.. yeah.. was thinking alot.. then i realised that even though batam is so close to singapore.. it has slightly more stars..yes.. i'm a star person.. i love lookings at stars... i always wondered if there are more stars in the US and all.. but oh well.. wun find out anytime soon..

so that was my trip.. enjoyed myself.. relaxing..

`i'm just a little too not over you

Things just get so crazy living life gets hard to do

2009-11-14T01:28:00.002+08:00

Okay. HELLO.
This week has been projects and stuff.. pretty okayy.. just that i kinda dun really like my grp as compared to matthias and all last sem.. this grp is like.. very bo chap.. so yeah.. shall not elaborate too much on that.. less i offend someone.. soo.. lets move on..

Chester signed me up for the business Pool competition thingy.. so yeahh.. thought i would just go for fun.. matthias and veto joining too.. so can't be all that badd... so yeah.. abit looking forward to it.. like a break.. after all this projects and all..

Today was CCN.. couldn't be bothered to walk around.. plus it was freaking crowded and looked like it was gonna rain.. soo.. decided to go home.. SMART choice!.. hahaha.. well basically.. met alson on the bus. then it rained.. but when the bus reached my place.. the rain was subsiding.. so yeah.. managed to get home barely wet.. then it started to pour after i got home.. so yeahh.. good choice!.. met chris oso on the way out..

Anyways.. congrads to JY for passing your driving test!.. Ryan..good luck next test bro!..
hahahaa.. what else?.. nothing much i gues..

OH.. i am going to batam with the family for the wkend!.. so yup.. hope it'll be fun!..

oh and since i won't be around.. in advance..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHERELLE!

ohhh.. anyway. forgot to mention.. gave her a little surprise.. hope she liked it.. :D

till next time.. TATA~~

`that someday it will lead me back to you..

Weekend roundup

2009-11-08T21:38:00.003+08:00

Ehh.. nothing much happened during wkend..

Friday pool buffet with jy and garner.. was quite fun.. for 3 of us.. ohh.. finally realised wad the big mac monopoly hoo hah was about.. hahahaha.. i noe abit slow ah.. but apparently alot of ppl are collecting it.. so yeahh.. oh anyways.. met daphne at pool spot.. quite surprised.. coz she didn't strike me as someone who would stay out late at night.. so was quite surprised to see her there.. i thought of her as more of a good stay and home kinda girl.. but oh well.. never judge a book by its cover.. :D.. so anyways.. left ps about 5?.. then chit chat until bout 6 then they went backk..

Saturday woke up bout 11 plus.. paid the ironing lady. .went back to slp.. woke up bout 1 plus?.. slacked the whole day away.. nothing to do.. same for sunday.. so yeah.. wasn't a very productive weekend..

anyways.. read bout some stuff.. i mean.. if wad i tink happened.. really happened.. call me heartless.. but i tink its deserved.. after what is done.. i mean.. can you blame it for happening?.. i kinda feel the person deserves it.. but oh well.. might be looking too much into it anyways.. in my opinion.. its retribution..

you're losing your way,

& you're pushing away the people that can help you the most.

hope you find your way

we'll still be here.

`and maybe both of us a losing.

we're just not the "cool" kidz anymore.

2009-11-05T23:16:00.002+08:00

the title says it all.
oh well..

lets see... had presentation on wednesday.. i thought we did quite okay.. but our content was rubbish.. and i knew we sure kenna shoot one.. and guess wad she said?.. "good delivery.. bad content".. HAH.. oh well.. i left class early.. had driving lesson. told teacher i got doct's appointment though.. so yeahh.. it was my auto lesson.. and it was uhh.. less stress.. more relax driving.. no clutch.. but it was super easy pls.. abit boring.. coz you can't go that fast and all.. so yeahh.. just brake accelerate.. brake.. so nothing muchh..

today was dragging myself to school.. really.. coz i caught the liverpool champs league game.. disappointing.. haii.. and so.. i thought straight and headed to school!.. :D.. applause?.. thenn.. after lesson.. took bus home.. and.. the intention was to get some food.. then have a nap.. i got home.. changed.. then i lie on my bed a while.. and next thing i know.. its 5!.. hahaha.. i reached hom at bout 12 btw.. hahaha.. surprised oso.. coz usually afternoon naps i can't really sleep.. usually wake up in betweens.. but this time it was a solid 5 hours.. so yeah.. felt alive after that.. had a dream though.. in the dream i went crazy.. seriously.. i argued with my family.. shouted and ppl.. we were in a restaurant btw.. so yeah.. was screaming at ppl.. and all.. details i wun say.. but i seriously was scared when i woke up.. becoz it hit me that if i really do let my feelings on things go.. it could happen.. so yeahh.. oh well... wanted to play mj tmrw.. coz parents are outta sg.. but?.. no one to play with.. feel lousy bout it.. but what to do?..

you know what i saw today?. i thought was a different way of looking at it.. oh rather negative way.. but i found this interesting.. don't rmb the exact words.. but goes something like..

A friend will stab you in the back,
A best friend, will stab you from the front..

something to think about..

`我答应用我一生
来换你的快乐一生

This is it

2009-11-03T19:38:00.002+08:00

heloo helllooo
Caught This is it the MJ movie last sat with nest zao and hk... i loved it.. well.. it was basically just footage of what would have happened if he actually went through with the concert.. his rehearsal footage.. i enjoyed it.. but i tink if you aint a MJ fan you'd probably not enjoy it as much.. basically it shows a different side of him.. during his rehearsals.. ensuring perfection etc.. it was good.. i felt it was a good send off... plus i would have loved to watch the concert.. anyways. you guys should catch it if you can.. =)..

anyways.. days have been spent at CBC with the parentals... which is good?.. i tink i should spend more time with them.. so yeahh.. nothing much.. just sang K there.. played jackpot.. sit in the lounge and slackk... so yeahh.. thennn.. oh sang with vera too.. shes a pretty ok singer in my opinion.. she doesn't sing as well as she thinks she does i guess.. but overall not bad.. sang 男人女人.. Wu ding.. anddd.. erm.. in love with you.. so yuppp.. was quite nice.. :D... thenn.. projects siao oso.. tmrw got 1 formal presentation which i hope to get over and done with..

not really enjoying my grp as much as i did last sem with matthias and all.. coz with matthias and all.. we were slack.. but we came up with quality work.. whether last minute anot.. we still came up with quality work... but with this grp.. its TOO slack.. like not putting effort in at all. do for the sake of doing u noe?.. but what to do?.. gotta play the hand you're dealt.. right?.. oh well. hope all turns out fine... other than that?.. i dunno.. life is still that same i guesss.. got lots more to say.. but i dunno how to.. or if i should.. oh well..

`the measure of life is not by how many breaths you take, its by the amount of times that take your breath away

That's my dream

2009-10-28T21:14:00.003+08:00

hahahah!.. taylor swift yo!.. sorry the video abit blur.. coz its recorded through something.. and i can't find a clearer one.. hahahaa.. but i tink shes funny and cute man!. anyways this is the CMT awards opening..
first is the.. "i could totally teach you to do twitter". and her rap.. HAHAHA.. esp the ending when t-pain goes. "she din even swear".. hahahhaa!..

hahahaa.. just taking a break from my PBL and projects.. crazy mann.. i got a presentation next wk.. next wk.. 3rd wk only.. 2nd tutorial.. formal presentation.. WTF rite?.. crazy shit la.. so gotta chiong my PBL.. my PTN.. CRAZY SHITZXXZXZ.. thenn.. what else.. oh.. today was a really tiring day.. dunno why.. but yeahh.. super tired.. met ly and chris though.. saw them yest oso.. but was in a rush yest so had to go off.. today said hi to them while walking pass... ehh.. what else?.. bro is in jakarta with mum.. so yeahh.. life is .... just project project and more projects.. damn siann.. and i HAVE to do it.. coz if i dun its like.. just saying buang to my subjects.. classmates are okayy.. getting to know more of them. so yeahh.. other than that.. i guess thats it.. wanted it to be a short update.. but oh well. :D..

`she's staring at me, i'm sitting wondering what shes thinking.

2009-10-26T21:44:00.000+08:00

2-0...

`you'll never walk alone

Our song.

2009-10-23T23:32:00.003+08:00

Shes damn pretty. hate to admit it. Shes kinda my favourite singer now.
hahhaha!. =)))))

Anyways.. 1st week of school is over.. met my new class already.. din turn out that bad.. hanjie elizabeth kathlyn shariffa from my year 2 class.. all same as me!.. oh.. you know.. MICHELLE SAME CLASS AS ME OSO!.. =).. so anyways.. alot of things to rush.. 2nd week of school and i have to submit stuff alreadyy.. sad right?.. anyways.. new class seems okay.. oh.. also found out that my coporate journalism tutor is teo yuan ching.. my commskills 1 teacher.. so alls good!.. =)... 1st week nothing muchh.. just lectures and stuff.. oh ya.. din manage to grp with michelle though.. she din come for the first commskill2 lesson..so shes in a diff group.. Timetable quite okay oso.. start late end late la.. can't have everything my way yeahh.. so yupp..

other than that.. 1st week has been okay.. hope it gets better.. oh and i tink i only got 1 examinable subject.. the rest all 100% coursework.. so whoooopeee.. :D.. Anyways!.. heres my cousin!.. Emma Jane!.. =)

hahahaha.. cute?.. :D... other than that.. peace out peeps!.

If you need me, you'd find me
i don't have to find you. =)
take care

`Cause it's late and your mama don't know

DRINK, CELEBRATION. MAHJONG!

2009-10-18T22:43:00.002+08:00

ookayy. update

Friday:
can't rmb what i did in the day.. at night went to meet zao and nest.. slack at nests place... drank.. using a stupid snakes and ladders drinking game sasa bought him last time.. so yeahh.. well.. i oso say its stupid coz i suck at it.. basically.. when zao completed.. i was barely pass the third line of the board.. damn suck.. i throw the dice.. ALWAYS 1.. zao and ernest were laughing their asses off.. anyways. covered songs.. did NOBODY.. hahahaha!.. damnm funny.. anyways.. had supper.. then slacked till bout 5 plus me and zao left..

Sat:
Woke up at about 12ish?.. bathed and headed to cousin Emma Jane's 1st bday!. Was quite okay.. i enjoyed the food.. it was nice.. and the ppl there were okay too.. Oh and Emma Jane is DAMN CUTE... so yupp.. then after that headed to CBC with the parentals.. played jackpot.. then sang only love at the K.. then ermm.. after that headed to pasir ris there for dinner.. with the CBC uncles and aunties.. home.. watched soccer.. then slept..

Sunday:
Woke up at 8.30?.. headed to CBC for MAHJONG COMPETITION!.. hahahah!.. DAMN FUN.. hahaha. .seriously.. super fun.. food provided oso!.. basically we play 1 round of dong nan xi bei... then each person has $500 worth of chips.. at the end of the round.. they count your chips.. so after first round.. i lost!.. i ccan't how much i had. bout 400.. second round change table. .oso same.. third round i won though.. anyways.. they provided food.. and the chicken wings during dinner was AWESOME.. i ate like.. 10?. hahahaha.. putting on weight?. 100%.. hahahaah!.. anyways.. home now.. chat with ppl.. now about to go slp.. coz school tmrw.. SIAN!!..

i love talking to you

it totally makes my day

makes me happy =)

`but i believe for you and me, the sun will shine one day

Weird

2009-10-15T21:00:00.005+08:00

Timetable is out..

diff class from matt, veto, chester..
damn suay.. i dunno anyone from my class.. damn saddd.. wtf.
and just now,
i had this weird feeling come over me.. like.. my mind went blank.. and suddenly felt super depressed.. i dunno why... damn sudden..

now still feeling it..

damn freaky.. like something went through me.. and i kinda believe it..
coz i suddenly felt liek i have no energy..
and like nothing to live for..
like no mood..
i dunno how to explain it.. but it was super scary..
first time in my life..
it sounds made up. but i'm telling you its not..
i'm not so free to make up this kind of thing
at that moment..

u noe how i felt?.. suddenly i felt that like. i cannot be happy anymore.. like all i can feel is sadness.. u noe.. its super scary.. now i'm actually quite happy i was talking to you.. coz at that moment.. i feel like suddenly i got nothing to live for.. suddenly no meaning in life.. that kind of feeling you noe.. i'm damn scared now..

`your mind can do wonders

No. 223

2009-10-13T01:39:00.002+08:00

I've actually posted 223 posts in this blog already. cool. other ppl prolly have more but yeahh..

Anyways. its 1.40am now and i can't slp. so decided to blog abit.

lets see..
can't rmb what day it was. but one of the nights i headed to ECP to have a super random bbq with chris ly tim they all.. was quite fun.. like.. laughed quite abit.. ate.. and this was all like late.. 1plus 2 plus?.. well i reached home at 4 la.. hahahaha.. i tink it was a friday..

Saturday erm.. pretty much slacked the day away..
cept for night when we went to st wilfreds coz kors team short..

Sunday, caught up with zao and nest.. been a while.. but yeah.. we went to Poolspot first.. played bout an hour or so.. then hiong kwoon came.. so yeahh. .then she wanted to go classic.. so we headed up to 10th floor.. played billiard instead.. coz abit bored of pool.. hk played pool with her friends thoughh.. had botak jones for dinner with zao and nest.. did abit of catching up.. so yeahh.. know wad?.. when i reached home family ordered pizza and i still ate..hahahah.

today.. slacked the day away until bout 4 liddat left for driving.. was raining super heavily.. like.. really heavily.. lucky when i reached CDC it stopped.. so yup.. hated my instructor today.. he took me once b4.. and i din like him then already.. so yeahh.. was like torture sitting with him in the same car..

like i said, you're one person i can be honest with

And i enjoyed our conversation

Thank you. =). rmb. just sms dun hesitate.. =)

`i'm lucky i'm in love with my best friend

Genting

2009-10-05T18:32:00.002+08:00

I'm back!.. hahahaa..
i used to say.. "i'm backk. and i'm better than ever!".
hahaha!.. but.. can't..

anyways.. let me blog bout my trip yeahh?

Day 1:
Woke up at 6 to go to the place where the bus leaves. I had to super awesome bus.. like seriously.. the seats are like.. WHOA.. bascially.. if i sit on the seat.. and i stretch my legs fully.. i still am like.. super far from the in front chair.. like first class siahh.. hahaha!.. damn comfortable.. oh.. and they had like. movies and games on board.. i watched high school musical 3 on the bus. hahaha.. nothing to do ah.. and the games pretty old school.. like bomberman.. and other 2D games.. but it was okay!. anyways.. reached genting earlier than expected.. bout 12 plus almost 1 we reached there.. so we walked around first world before going to the hotel to meet parents.. they took a plane.. so KL then cab up. .so yupp.. anyways.. after reaching the hotel.. ate.. slacked a while..then walked around the place.. then after that.. first try into the casino.. REJECTED.. hahaha!.. din manage to get in. .so yeahh..walked and slacked in hotel room before waiting for dad and uncle to arrive at 10 plus.. then had dinner.. or rather supper.. food wasn't great.. but it was okayy.. soo.. after dinner.. 2nd try at casino.. andd... SUCCESS!.. hahaha.. i managed to get in.. first time in a casino. .so smoky and atmosphere so tense.. hahaha.. din play any table games.. played jackpot.. and lost bout 300rm.. so yeahh.. left the place bout 3 plus.. headed back to the room. .mahjonged a while with bro and sis and bro gf.. so yeahh.. slept around 5?

Day 2:
woke up at bout 9.30 and headed for breakfast.. breakfast was okay.. standard hotel breakfast.. after breakfast.. went back to the room to rest a while.. then headed to theme park.. the outdoor one.. then sat alot of rides.. ohh.. and we played those liike.. funfair kinda games.. and i won a HUGE dog softtoy.. and gave it to mum. .since her bday is on the 6th.. anyways.. left theme park around.. 4ish?.. then headed back to the room to sleep!.. slept until bout 6plus.. then headed to dinner to celebrate mums bday at Ah yat restaurant.. i tell you.. the food is AWESOME.. had sharks fin.. abalone.. suckliing pig.. OMG.. DAMN NICE.. anyways.. it was super super nice i tell you.. after dinner.. went to watch spurs match with uncle jimmy.. then after the match.. headed back to the room.. slacked around... played poker with bro and bros gf.. then slept around 2 plus?..

Day 3
Dim sum breakfast at Ah yat again.. AWESOME SHITAZXAXZSAX.. damn nice pls.. hahahaha.. super super nice. .ate until damn full.. anyways.. packed bags and left from genting bout 2.30.. bus was the same.. but the bus ride was longer.. like much longer.. stops were longer oso.. so yupp.. home at about.. 9 plus!..

sooo.. that was my eventful trip..
bsically.. lots stuff happened..
everytime i was bored or had nothing to do.. i would start thinking..
of who?.. no prizes for guessing..
oh well..

`all i wanna do is be with you. be with you.

you're like a dream come true.

2009-09-30T22:13:00.002+08:00

Sup?

well.. lets update shall we?.

i'll start from ermm.. oh well.. i'll just typed things i rmb..

- I WON JACKPOT.. AWESOME SHITZZXZXZ!.
-Jie jie allison is here on holidays from london!.. shes my cousin by the way.. and editor of some fmaous magazine in england.. so yeahh.. cool yo!.. she got the interview the backstreet boys last time.. and you know wad?.. she came to singapore.. and did it again!.. WTH?!.. oh anyways.. caught up with her.. had dim sum.. dinner and other stufff..
-Went to CBC couple of times.. so yeahh.. quite funn..
-Went to sing K at simpang. .first time.. so yeah.. the songs quite updated i must say.. had fun.. went with chris mich and ly.. oh.. baked cookies with them oso.. well.. they baked.. i just help them time.. hahaha!.. well.. it started out as a disaster.. ended quite okayy. hahahah!.. and.. there was ALOT of funny things that happened.. we went to chris house anyways.. so yupp.. funn..
-Supp paper results tmrw..
-going to badminton and swim and etc tmrw...
-going to genting for the wkend with family..
-missing someonee.. awww... hahaha.
-Worried for a friend
-AND MORE.

hmm.. i guess thats it?.. well.. its wad i rmbb.. so yupp..
lost the spirit of blogging.. like literally..
OH.. i caught abit of the fann wong christopher lee wedding.. i thought it was quite funny.. i caught it while i was at chris'.. so yeahh.. i thought it was quite funny.. but i wouldn't wanna have my wedding on tv lahh.. like wth?.. almost the whole singapore watch ur wedding.. abit wad rite?.. oh well.. it was quite entertaining.. esp when christopher lee said. something like.." u find another christopher lee then i give you the ang baoo..".. hahaha.. anyways.. till next time.. TATA~.

`i hope you really are as happy as you say u are. =). take care.

I will always love you.

2009-09-24T23:26:00.005+08:00

hi, im bored.
whee
bye, im still bored.
nothing to do.
oookayy.. i did this on my facebook.. but this is different from my fb one.. since im that bored.. i decided to do it again..

1) Go to the above link: http://mct421.deviantart.com/art/Question-Meme-Generator-69266481
2) Fill up the names as asked
3) Copy the questions and answer them
4) Tag those mentioned

1. Would you marry Ernest?
Not in a million years.

2. Who would you rather get stuck in handcuffs with, Zao or JingYing?
JingYing pls.. Zao would probably sleep and i can't move either..

3. What is one thing Christina isn't exactly made for?
Hmm.. Dunno..

4. Ros is actually Ernest in disguise, you know.
HAHAHAHA.. I KNEW IT.

5. If April and Li Chin teamed up, what would they most likely accomplish?
The longest record for sleeping.. hahahaah!.

6. Describe Cherelle in five words.
She is just the best. =)

7. What would you do if JingYing confessed love to you?
Nothing?.. coz it'll never happen!

8. What is or would be a good nickname for Otah?
ehh. read the question.. hahaha!

9. Vivian is actually Li Chin in disguise, you know.
No wonder both so pretty.. hahaha!.. jkjk..

10. What's Li Chin to you?
Shes my Twinsoul and more that words can't describe

`the worst feeling is being so close to someone, yet knowing you can never have them.

Smile..=)

2009-09-20T22:44:00.002+08:00

you make me smile.. =)

Spent today at CBC. Won jackpot. AWESOME. =).. Sang 1 song..
Last friday night oso went.. sang quite a few songs..
haahahha..

`how can i move on, when i'm still in love with you?

Good day.. once in a blue moon

2009-09-18T00:34:00.002+08:00

Today i had a good day. Well, i felt good today la.

Morning.. i went to school for supp paper. I tink i did quite okay. Should be able to pass.. so quite happy with it.. you know whats the weird part?.. i met GUCCI in supp paper.. i was like.. "wtf you doing here?.. your results is not so cui one wad..".. turns out.. i actually did better than him. his MBS got D.. i got a D+.. his HR got C+.. i got B+.. and we both failed finance.. but i was like... WTF?!?!.. hahahah.. wanted to bastard him.. but i decided to be nice and just catch up with him...

oh and i met ms thio. my CP.. shes really nice.. shes like.. the nicest lady ever la.. super nice.. s yupp.. after supp.. headed homee.. slept a while..

then in evening.. headed to leisure park kallang.. met nest zao celest and jy there.. had a good time chatting and laughing and everything.. it was NICE.. i felt i belonged there.. :D.. then we caught "The Ugly Truth".. seriously the funniest shit i've seen in a while.. hahahaha.. really like.. funny shit laa.. i laugh until i teared mann.. its more of adult funny.. adult jokes la basically.. but still SUPER funny i tell you.. enjoyed myself.. anyways.. home after that..

Mom showed me pics of her trip to visit late grandmas relatives in hong kong.. i tlel you.. my grandma's sis totally totally looks like her.. so yeahh. dun wanna talk more about it..

Oh and i've been playing Nobody on guitar. hahahaha!..

You cared. Thank you. I really really really appreciate it. Once a best friend, always a bestfriend. =).. you're that minority.

`i want nobody nobody but you

More alone than ever.

2009-09-14T15:27:00.002+08:00

sup?

haven been bloggin.. frankly speaking i dun have to mood to blogg..
been feeling rather down this holidays..
can't explain whyy...

Anyways, just little updates.

-Finance supp paper. The rest okay
-Job for 1st 2 weeks of holidays. ended. but quite fun
-Timbre last sat, fun.
-mahjong~ haven played iin a while.
-billiards- samee
-sad life.
-bored bored and more bored.

i shall update more soon.. sorry for this post..

`I feel more alone than ever, and nobody knows it but me.

ITS OVER!

2009-08-29T02:41:00.003+08:00

Exams are over.. as predicted.. finance was RUBISH. hahaha..

Anyways.. lemme update abit..

Thursday- woke up at bout 3? to study.. until bout 7 pplus.. bathed... then headed to school.. met weilong on the bus.. chit chat abit.. then later when reach school.. saw cherelle at mushroom. .so said hi.. then later talked to her abit only then she gotta go for her paper i gotta go for mine.. so sports hall.. opened the paper.. HAH.. RUBBISH!.. hahahaha.. basically.. there were 20 MCQ questions.. 1 mark each.. i did all.. and 7 structured question.. altogether adding up to 80 marks.. i did... 2 questions!.. andd.. best part is.. i dun even guarantee i'll get it right.. sooo.. supp paper!.. sound so happy to take supp ah?.. ahh.. dun care.. i'm in good mood now.. =).. anyways.. later.. reached homee.. then i went for my date!.. =P.. with who?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
.
.
My Bed and 4 blankets!.. hahahaha!..
bet u all going.. *diaoooo... not sure if anyone reads this anymore anyway..

slept from about.. ermm.. 3 plus.. to bout 6?.. woke up.. Repainted room with bro!.. hahaha.. same colours.. just that the old one was fading.. so decided to repaint.. room looks brighter now.. but haven finished.. after that.. ermm.. dinner at old airport road.. then.. went to sis school to pick up the car.. then.. home!.. slept soon after...

Friday- Woke up at 6.30?.. bathed.. took bus 12 to tanah merah.. then change to 35 to go to the warehouse.. workeD!.. met kor nick and terny.. then went in.. was quite fun.. other than the 3 of us.. the rest all aunties.. but they very nice ahh.. i enjoyed myself.. they joke and chit chat alot... so quite funn.. i spend the whole day sealing stuff.. hahaha.. i used the machine to seal those like.. plastic stuff.. its like a chopper.. u press down then will seal.. i press the thing over 10000 times.. hahahahaa.. until hand pain.. but had fun!.. =)... anyways.. thought of meeting chris since she said shes coming katong.. but she left to watch movie already.. so nvm.. i was tired anyways.. then i headed to airport from tanah merah.. since dad was going to pick mum.. then met them.. then went home.. had my 2nd date.. hahaha!.. jkjk.. slept from bout 6 plus.. till 10 plus!.. awesome manns!.. then woke up.. had "dinner" around 12?.. then headed to Katong shopping centre to meet alson and gab for billiards.. won $2.. ahahahah!... technically bout 8 la.. but table was $7 so yeahh.. anyways.. i'm home now and it is technically saturday already. is 2.52.. Anyways.. Tv going to arrive tmrw!.. kk.. my mum won a 40inch tv in a lucky draw!.. and its coming tmrw!.. =).. Till next time.. Sayonara!.. *i miss jap.

I'm happy for you,
Just promise me you'll be happy too. =).

`Where is she, where is she, where is that beautiful girl?

Finance bye bye

2009-08-27T07:32:00.002+08:00

Its about 7.30am now.. i've been up since 3 am.. studying finance.. result: still nothing going in..

so.. GG for paper later..
coursework D+.. which is not helpful in any way..
so yeahh..
wish me luck..

I'm damn tired.. i'm afraid i'll just fall asleep on the bus and totally miss my stopp.. i did that once.. after overnight at airport.. took mrt to tanah.. took bus 12 from there home.. overslept.. woke up at bugis... awesome shitzxz.. hahaha.. kk.. wish me luck then.

`But this pain i'm feeling won't go away

2 down

2009-08-26T18:19:00.002+08:00

HR was good. hopefully can get A..
most likely a B though..
paper was okay.. manage to do all questions except the one on Performance management..

`i kept chasing you, but when i finally looked up, someone already caught you.

i'm the master of my fate, the captain of my soul

2009-08-25T17:48:00.002+08:00

MBS is rubbish.. hope i pass.. 1 down 2 to go.

`i ran as fast as i could, but when i turned around, i realise you weren't chasing anymore.

BAd week

2009-08-24T21:32:00.002+08:00

bad week..

First grandma..

then..

then..

then..

haii. .so many problems.. MBS IS a bitch btw.. for those who haven already figured out..
Still got HR and finance.. I'm DEAD.

`i' could cry u a river, and you wouldn't even know

Eulogy

2009-08-21T19:06:00.002+08:00

My Brothers eulogy during my grandma's funeral

Dearest Family and Friends

Thank you so much for taking the time to be here today to celebrate the life of a truly wonderful person, My Grandmother, Mary Yick Ching Fong.

Mama was a beloved Grandmother, Mother, Godmother, Aunt and Friend. I am sure that you are all here today because this amazing lady touched your lives in one way or another. I can’t begin to tell you about all the good things she must have done throughout her 90 years on earth but I can tell you what I thought of her and I hope that through my words, you will find a little something my grandma did that touched your hearts and your lives.

To me, Mama was the most beautiful, loving, caring and cutest person in the world. She always looked happy to me and would never fail bring a smile to my face. She loved cooking and she loved playing mah-jong but most of all, she loved caring for others. That was her gift, she was the kindest soul in the world, adopting children like my mum, my Uncle Matt and Uncle Edwin. She treated them like her own and brought them up well. Nothing was ever too tough for her. As if that wasn’t enough, she had to deal with me next.

People have always said that I was Mama’s favourite Grandson. Something, I never thought myself worthy of. She probably loved me more because I needed to be loved more. Mama played a big part in my upbringing. I don’t think I was the easiest grandchild to bring up but Mama always made sure I was well taken care of.

In primary school, I went back to her house every day after school and there would always be a lovely meal of some of my favourite dishes prepared for me. She would always give me extra pocket money to spend probably in the hope that it would be saved or spent wisely, although they almost always ended up being spent on Dragonball cards and stickers. She would also always surprise me with a football that she would bring back from the beach on her daily morning walks. We would spend a lot of time together. We played cards together and watched TV together. I used to stay overnight at Mama’s house on Tuesdays and Fridays. On these days, Mama never had it easy, I would cry all though the night wanting to go home. She knew this but she would try to butter me up by buying toys for me at ToysRUs. I was being a brat but she never seemed to mind. She even made up tales of how the Curry pok man was the Momok man who was coming to catch me if I don’t go to sleep. Grandmother Tales.

As I grew older and the years went by, I probably didn’t visit Mama as much as I should have. Something I really regret. Nevertheless, every time I did visit, she would still flash that lovely smile and say “Mark Teo” like she was so happy to see me. As usual, she would ask if I makan already, and would still give me some money. She really loved me and never stopped caring for me.

I am sure that was the same for everyone else. There are probably moments in our lives where we shared really good times with Mama and there probably were times where we disagreed with her on some things. However, at the end of the day, I think that there was no doubting that Mama loved us all no matter what. She was just that kind of person.

I’m going to miss a lot about Mama. One of them is watching her eat. She always looked so adorable when she was eating. Don’t be deceived by her innocent face sometimes; she was very naughty and cheeky too. I remember my Jie Jie Pauline (who by the way was amazing in taking care of Mama while she was sick) she was always watching mama diet and what she ate. But little did she know that when her back was turned, Mama would make a dash for the good food especially durians which she loved.

Another thing I fondly remember is the last time I sat down for a game of Mahjong with Mama a few months ago. Along with my sister and my brother, we played a game of mah-jong with Mama. As usual, Mama was winning. She emphatically exclaimed, “You all don’t know how to play lah. Mama is the best!” Haha even while she was weak and not feeling well, she still had a sense of humour.

Even in her final days, she never stopped caring for all of us. You may already know, but on the day she died. She picked the one moment where everyone was having dinner outside to quietly pass on. She didn’t want any of us to bear the pain of seeing her go. She is just so wonderful and thoughtful.

I could go on all day about all the things my grandma was and all the things I miss about her but that would take a long time so I’m going to sum up.

Mama was an amazing woman who touched our lives in many ways. She was an incredible mother who took really good care of her children and through her example, her children become better parents who in turn pass on those skills to their children. Her legacy lives on through us.

She lived a full life and we should all be happy about that.
We will miss Mama greatly but I am sure that she is in a better place right now with God. She has joined Ah-Kong, and all her friends up there in heaven where there are probably playing mah-jong right now while looking down upon us and watching over us.

She may no longer be with us in person but we will always have the special moments we shared with her. Till we meet again one day Mama, I know you will always be watching over us.

Goodbye Dearest Mama, I Love you and I will always miss you.

Your Loving Grandson,
Mark Teo

`Missing someone gets easier everyday because even though you're one day further from the last time you saw them, you're one day closer to the next time you will

Over

2009-08-20T19:43:00.006+08:00

Everything is over, I don't wanna blog about it. Less i feel sad again.
Just a note.. Visit http://mary-yick-ching-fong.forevermissed.com/
Leave a comment if you can.. greatly appreciated. explore the website. It explains what happened. =)

On a happier note..
I tink the girl in the video is super cute la. Her singing quite okay oso.. =P.. abit random la.. but go watch. hahaha.. shes cute.. =)

`I'll never forget the way you look tonight

Shes gonee

2009-08-17T00:04:00.001+08:00

MAMA passed away.. =(..

RIP.

shall update more

Longer than expected.

2009-08-15T21:58:00.003+08:00

Well.. my grandma is clinging on to something.. just dunno what..

Shes holding on.. shes not letting go.. which on the one hand is a good thing.. on the other hand... shes suffering moree... We even informed her distant relatives in hong kong.. so yupp.. we can't tink of anyone or anything else she is holding on for..

Anyways, i'm feeling slightly better.. after a few days of crappy days with my grandma.. been spending my past week at her place for the whole day.. so yupp..

exams coming soon.. i'm in no mood to study.. my coursework grades aint that great either. .so yeahh..

MBS- C
Biz Finance- D+

so yupp.. i dunno my HR one though.. Anyways.. just wanted to thank ppl who have been keeping me companyy when i'm bored. and also telling me to cheer up.. thanks alot.. =).

dunno what else to update..

how're you?. seldom meet you online to talk. must update your blog. wait ppl think something happen to you. hahaha.=)

`I don't have to tell you i miss you, for you to know that i do

crying.. tears..

2009-08-13T22:35:00.002+08:00

Today, when we were about to go home after spending the day at grandmas.. we went to our grandma.. my mum was saying her goodbyes.. i was already tearing.. mum was saying stuff like.." dun worry.. we are all okayy.. everyone is okay.. u dun have to worry.. u can go peacefully.. go join all our other uncles and aunties in heaven.. and join jesus.. ".. stuff like that.. my mum was crying while saying all this.. then i was crying oso.. i said my goodbyes.. my bro did too.. just when we were about to leave..

MY GRANDMA TEARED.

She teared.. i cried my heart out..

`I'll do my crying in the rain

I say a little prayer for you

2009-08-12T00:12:00.003+08:00

I'm praying hard..

mama is out of hospital.. not cause shes better.. just dun wanna see her suffer.. so we brought her home..

more directly said.. we're just quickening the process.. =(.. basically its just a matter of time..
Shes going soon.. said prayers.. said the rosary twice.. once yesterday once todayy..

tmrw i have school.. but i really dun feel like going..
i'll still go..

We'll be okay mama.. you can go peacefully.. =).

`I say a little prayer for you.

The burden is too big.

2009-08-08T23:29:00.003+08:00

I don't wanna give up on her..

but seeing her lying on the hospital bed.. suffering.. she was in painn.. yet i couldn't do anything..

I felt so heart pain when i saw her.. not i wanna say.. shes giving up.. =(.. i feel super sad.. i was sitting by her bed holding her hand just now.. she was so weak.. so restless.. could tell she was uncomfortable.. in pain.. she was breathing heavily.. couldn't talk properly.. she was mumbling.. she kept fidgiting.. I was so sad.. i couldn't stop crying.. she was giving up.. i could see it.. My mum and uncle brought me to buy white shirts.. told my sis to look for nice photos of mama.. like they've given up on her.. I've not given up!.. but it pains to see her like that.. really.. i sometimes feel like scolding my uncle and mum.. shes still alive.. why u all speak like shes going to die.. why are you giving up on her?.. i dun wan to give up on her.. i believe she'll live to at least when kor kor gets married.. she wun die!.. SHE WUN!.. =(.

but their giving up.. and she is too..
i haven accepted the fact.. i can't see her going.. really..
i can't..

I couldn't stop my tears from flowing.. even though i was there the whole day.. my tears still flowed even at the end of the day.. =(..

Mama, you be strong okay?. you'll get through this. i know you will. Though everyone has given up on you. i haven. so pls get well.

`Letting go of someone is pain to the heart, watching her suffer in pain, is worst.

OVER OVER OVER!

2009-08-06T23:26:00.002+08:00

ALL MY PRESENTATIONS ARE OFFICIALLY OVER!.. AWESOME!..

okay okay.. let me blog bout my week..

Monday. Din go for finance in the morning coz i wasn't feeling too good + i was lazy.. anyways.. din meet my jap grp mates oso.. i went to school later in the day though.. for HR lecture.. then after that had a MBS group meeting.. in one of the project rooms.. which was funn.. i like my group.. is really nice.. =)... then we slacked and worked at same pace.. which i like.. so yeahh.. realised we did something wrong for MBS.. then we edited it and came up with some bullshit excuse saying we handed in the wrong CD.. hahaha!.. aniwaes.. that was mondayy..

Tuesday- No school.. BUT.. i had my first and second driving lesson!.. FUN FUN!.. hahahaha.. really.. funn.. although i can't really catch the biting point.. but drive around circuit.. then change second gear oso.. hahaha.. was funn!... aniwaes.. i met lotsa ppl at the driving centre.. first.. iwas about to go top up my account after lesson.. then i heard.. "eh john?".. then i turn i saw qingyuan!.. hahaha!.. cool yo!..then later.. after i topped up money.. i turn around.. i saw jy walking out of the admin area.. then i go say hi to her!.. then while i was talking to her.. i met my french classmate!.. hahahaha!.. small world yo!... ohhh.. and when i was driving on circuit.. i saw kim wakerman.. the kids central girl last time.. the R.E.M one.. hahahah.. so yupp.. productive day.. enjoyed myself!..

Wednesday- Had MBS presentation.. so wore formal to school.. which was okayy.. got abit used to wearing formal.. hahaha!.. anyways.. class was slack as usual.. then we could do watever we wanted while the groups were presenting.. anyways.. my groups presentation went quite well.. not great.. but okay.. not bad!.. =).. after that.. went to meet my jap grp mates!.. rehearsed the script with them!.. hahaha.. was funn!... saw cherelle oso!.. said hi!.. she came to take laptop from meiting i tink.. then anyways.. i rushed off to driving centre for my 3rd lesson!.. hahaha.. fun fun!.. but i was abit tired and sian.. so concentration abit off.. went out to main road.. much scarier than inside.. really.. damn scary.. and i swear i got no coordination with my hands and legs and stuff.. my instructor had to jam the break quite a few times.. hahahah. but overall was okayy.. homee.. thenn yup.. memorised jap script!..

Thursday!- Went to school to meet my jap group mates... we were preparing props and rehearsing.. was super fun!.. =).. enjoyed myself.. then rehearsed.. until i had to go for french.. french was slack.. bout 1 hr liddat only.. so i went to find my jap grp mates again.. was damn fun rehearsing!.. hahahaha!. .really really enjoyed myself.. then 4 o clock!.. presentation time!.. hahahaha.. FUN FUN FUN!.... i acted as a princess btw.. quite funny!.. ppl laughed!.. so yupp!.. tink we did quite a good job!!. =).. then i had to wear a paper tiara which said "princess".. and i wore a necklace made of string that had. "diamonds" on it.. hahaha!.. after lesson.. everyone kept calling me princess!.. hahahah!.. even at busstop and everything!.. haahha.. funny!.. aniwaes.. after jap we took pics with Suzuki sensei.. then also took a clas photo.. oh and i gave her my tiara and diamonds and memory of me!.. hahahaha!.. overall!.. i enjoyed my jap roleplay!.. i din expect to.. but i did!!.. =)... after school.. headed to mamas place.. she looks so weak.. my uncle and mum tell us to be prepared.. her days are numbered.. =(.. i cried when i talked to my grandma just now. =(.. can tell she wasn't feeling good.. she was breathing so heavily.. so breathless.. she look so sad.. suffering.. i felt damn badd.. i literally just cried.. haii.. dun wanna talk about it..

Anyways.. i've been feeling better this few days.. i feel i've moved on.. i feel better.. =).. i tink i'm ready to be your friend again.. =)..

`sometimes you have to get to know a person really well to realise that you are actually strangers.

PICTURES

2009-08-04T10:27:00.006+08:00

Picts from our HR presentation.. there are like.. 132?.. so i wun upload all.. go facebook see the rest.. =)

`cause you bring out the best in me, like no one else can do

200th post

2009-08-01T21:06:00.003+08:00

Hurt

All that runs through my mind is you
Yet you don't even have a clue.
I'm the one who made all this true,
yet i'm the only one who is feeling blue.

why why, oh why did i do it?
why put myself through all this shit?
I could have just left it and not cared one bit
yet i brought it up and let myself get hit.

It was so awkward when i saw you that day,
There was just nothing for me to say.
even later when i went to play,
all i saw was you, even though you're so far away.

Now i'm sitting here feeling so lost.
what i did was for the better, but at what cost?
Will that once best friend still be there?
Or will I be left, with nothing but despair.

`and i despise that i adore you.

Thanks for the memories

2009-07-31T20:07:00.002+08:00

oookaay.. lemme update on recent happenings..

i'll start from sunday.. i dun really rmb what i did on sat.. so yeahh

Sunday.
in the day i was cleaning house.. more of my room actually.. me and bro were cleaning up.. aniwaes.. in the evening.. bout 5.. headed to the national stadium.. to catch liverpool!... AWESOME MAN.. just AWESOME.. i really really enjoyed myself.. i haven uploaded the pics.. so can't show you. most were pretty blur anyways.. final score was 5-0 anyways.. for those wondering..

Monday.. Biz finance.. same old same old.. aniwaes.. after biz finance.. elton drove us. he drove his 7 seater that day.. so we drove 7 of us to Tamp1 to eat!.. quite nice company.. i actually kinda enjoyed myself with year 2 classmates. .anyways... we ate thai express.. which was okay for me.. not a big fan.. but it was fine.. =).. then mum came to pick me then i went to visit mama..

Tuesday- slackkkk..

Wednesday- Had MBS in the morning.. which was slack. .and fun ahh.. i'm starting to like my year 2 class.. sadly.. its gonna end.. so i dun wanna like it too much.. oh well.. aniwaes. after MBS.. i din go for biz finance lecture. but since i had to wait for matt and the rest to do project after their lecture,.. i went to meet CHRIS!.. and LY!.. for lunch.. chit chat with them.. nicee.. =).. but ly had to leave for project after a while.. so i chit chat with chris!.. told her alot of things.. =).. Aniwaes.. it was nice meeting up with them.. hahaha.. then project.. hospital.. home..

Thurs- French roleplay went quite well.. although the wait for our turn was pretty boring.. we were last anyways.. but it went well.. so french is down!.. no more!.. anyways.. din go for japp.. since our script not finalised.. aniways.. i ended french bout 4.30?.. but had to wait to 6 to meet matt and co.. so i slacked in the library alone.. with my laptop.. started to get bored.. so i drew.. ermm.. SOMETHING.. hahaha.. then at 6 i went down to project room to meet them.. IT was good company.. i love my grp.. =).. then we did work until library closing time.. then headed to kfc opposite to eat.. and home after that!.. oh was msging vivian oso.. nice catchin up with her.. haha

Friday- HR presentation.. it went well.. and i really laughed alot during HR lesson.. it really took my mind of things.. was having a rather bad day.. but the roleplays really took my mind off it.. however.. afterwards.. went to ITAS to eat.. everything just came backk. was feeling quite crappy.. tried not to show it though.. then after eating.. billiards.. i just broke downn.. like.. was damn quiet.. everything i shoot missed.. matt even asked me if i okay.. got something wrong.. guess he could tell.. thenn i just was having a bad day.. then i played few games with them.. then went home.. walked from safra to the busstop.. listened to music.. and was wearing formal.. so was hot. .and it din help the situation.. home.. tried to sleep it off.. now i just woke up.. feeling just as bad.. oh well.. HR is over..

MBS and jap left!.

Thank you.

`Letting go hurts, Not letting go hurts more.

Finally the mood has come

2009-07-24T23:14:00.002+08:00

i finally have the mood to blog.. so i tink i shall do it b4 it goes away..

i'll start from saturday.. can't really rmb what i did in the day.. but in the evening, i went to have a 6c gathering.. i must honestly say.. i really really enjoyed myself.. i loved the company. .and the ppl there.. and the time was really really well spent.. sadly no pictures.. coz like..ppl came and go.. din really have a grp photo.. caught up with alot of ppl there.. it was nice.. the games we played were fun too.. =).. hahahaa.. i really felt good.. because i was having a really bad week.. so this was like.. very refreshing.. i felt good.. or so i thought..

Sunday, I stayed over at huishans for the gathering. .so sunday morning.. i took a cab backk.. then on the cab.. my usualy morning alarm rang.. so i took out my phone.. and stopped it.. i was super tired.. so i just put the fone on my lap.. and i dozed off.. next thing i noe.. i was already at my house.. the driver waking me up.. so in a rush.. i paid the driver.. and got out of the cab.. i went home.. went up and bathed.. got out.. wanted to set alarm on my phone. .so i dun sleep the whole day away. but guess wad??.. i couldn't find my fone. wah @!(#*@!@#$()*%#.. damn pissed.. so i quickly called the cab company. .to trace trace trace.. then i called my fone.. it rang for the first 3 times i called. .the 4th time.. it was already off.. so at that moment i broke into tears.. literally.. one.. i thought that i finally had a break.. a good day from a lousy and bad week.. but instead.. i had to lose my phone.. so i was feeling damn sad.. and also had other reasons.. shall not elaborate here.. but i was damn sad.. basically.. the whole of sunday.. i spoke less than 10 words.. IT was a SUPER SUPER SAD DAY.

monday..met my grp as usual, for jap. We redid our script.. then biz finance was the same old same old.. so nothing much really.. let me think about it.. wad did i do on mondayy.. hmm.. OH.. okay okay.. went to get my sim card with my mum on monday.. she bought me the same phone... =).. coz i was really really quiet on sunday.. hahaha.. so yeah.. was really sad.. dun wanna elaborate.. ask me personally if you wan to know more..

Tuesday- Stayed at home i did my HR PBL2 and took bout 3 hrs?.. but i was quite satisfied with my work.. oh i must say.. i was still sorta like.. sad?.. it was a still a bad week.. like.. i felt really lousy.. like totally sad. .totally no mood for anything at all.. was just like.. tired of poly.. tired of life.. i just really needed a break or a good day.. but i couldn't get one..

Wednesday- Went for MBS.. it was a very relaxing lesson.. fun one too.. so it kinda lifted my day abit.. but still.. anyways.. sat in Elton's mercedez pls.. super nice.. YES HIS.. he just pass his driving on monday. .and he has a car to himself.. baskett!.. hahahaha.. aniwaes... he drove us a while.. then later i headed home.. ermm.. wad did i dooo.. i can't rmb.. BUT.. i rmb.. at night.. i talked to someone.. after not talking for quite long.. and finally after so many weeks of shit.. i was HAPPPYYYY.. DAMN DAMN DAMN HAPPY.. THANK YOU!.. you know who you are.. =)..

Thursday- French was slack.. Jap test was.. haii.. dissapointing... hahahah.. but oh well.. its over... aniwaes.. jap just discussed our script.. had to redo again.. so yeahh.. not really redo though.. just add more lines for the rest.. i had enough lines.. oh and did i mention.. i am acting as a princess.. WTF RITE??.. ahahahaha!.. but bo bian.. we open numbers.. suay suay tio me.. so im just gonna do it and get it over with.. thurs night was PBL2 report.. i finished everything.. felt good..

Today- went to school for HR.. which was as usual.. slackkk!!.. hahaha.. then had lunch as bizpark... then slacked more.. then elton dropped me matt chester and veto at safra. .we decided to play billiards.. like a break from the workk.. so we played till like 2 plus??.. then i walked and took bus 10 home.. so yeahh.. ohh.. sad.. while i was at billiard.. mum msged me saying grandma was back in hospital.. =(.. sadd.. hope nothing happens to her... aniwaes..at night headed to national stadium to watch liverpool team train.. it was funn.. hahaha.. sunday is the actual match.. so yuppp...

I realised that each time i blog.. a long post that is.. i tend to change my blog song.. hahahaa.. hope you like this one ppl!... my previous one got 3 ppl ask me for the song.. hahaha!.. =)

oh and to you. you know who u are..: WHERE ARE YOU?!?!.. i got so much to update you!.. why u never online!.. i lazy to type msg ah.. =).. come online more pls!.. hahaha!.. jkjk

`If you're asking do i love you this much, i do.

INSPIRATION

2009-07-23T11:57:00.002+08:00

i saw this on javiers facebook.. and i was honestly touched..

This is for those who feel like giving up..

`i have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Whom we used to know

2009-07-22T01:35:00.002+08:00

IT'S SAD WHEN PEOPLE YOU KNOW BECOME PEOPLE YOU KNEW.

When you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life. How you used to be able to talk for hours and how now, you can barely even look at them.

I saw this on a friends blog. and i tink its true.
sorry for not blogging. really no mood.

`how easily you can fall in love with someone, letting go is the same process, only in reverse, yet it is so much harder to do.

Hate me for all you want, i don't care anymore

2009-07-19T13:28:00.003+08:00

MY LIFE IS PLANNED. IT IS MEANT TO SCREW ME OVER.
Just kill me now.
I really can't stand it.
just when i thought i was enjoying myself.
i enjoyed myself.
something bad always has to screw it up.
URGH.

`problems pile problems.

TS

2009-07-17T12:28:00.004+08:00

Thanks ah nest.. now i'm kinda addicted to Taylor Swift.. and i tink shes pretty.. hahaha!.. like really pretty.. u should check out her you belong with me video view it in full screen if not you can't see the whole thing..

Taylor Swift - You Belong With Me

The starting part she looks nerdy.. kind obvoius.. but the ending.. wahh.. like ANGEL mann.. hahahaa.. and i tink the video quite creative.. =).. sorry ahh.. i'm starting to like her.. aniwaes.. i'm kinda stuck on the song oso.. THANKS NEST.. hahahaha.. should go check out her other songs.. they're pretty good.. ohh.. and her musical crush was justin timberlake.. like youknowwho uh.. oh well.. happy watching.. was bored.. so decided to blog.. nothing much.. enjoy!.. ask me if you want the song.. oh FYI.. the brunette is her too.. hahaha!..

`If you could see that i'm the one who understands you. Been here all along so why can't you see?...You belong with me

Lost the feeling

2009-07-14T17:54:00.001+08:00

The feeling to blog is slowly fading away.. totally no mood.. seems like now everytime i blog.. its becoz i just need a space to let it all out. but then again, i hold some things backk..

oh well.. Basically i can't really rmb whats been going on.. i shall start from last friday..

Friday- Went to school for HR. .which was pretty much slack all the wayy.. then had lunch in biz park.. slackked.. then headed for our last APEL class.. it was nice.. pretty much slack too.. i realise that the littlest things are the ones that make you feel good. basically.. my CP went through our portfolios and left comments.. this is wad mine said..

Hi John,
Good Effort Thanks.
Fun to have you in class. Keep up with your jovial self.
Ms Thio.

Though it didn't mean much. i felt good after reading it. i felt happy. oh well.. i can't rmb what i did for the rest of friday.. but oh well.. i kinda liked my CP this year.. she's so much better than the one i had in Year 1.. but then again, the company was better in year 1.. thats life i guess.. give and take.. =)

Saturday- had a biz finance test at 10.. i woke up.. at 10.. hahaha!.. so of course i din go.. took MC.. then ermm.. pretty much slacked the day away.. evening i had dinner with grandma. after that headed to meet ros and the rest at timbre. it was raining heavily.. but in the end we got a seat inside.. so it all turned out good.. was really relaxing after hectic week.. but its starts again.. so.. aniwaes.. good drinks.. good music.. good company.. anyways.. ghaz bought drinks for us.. which was nice.. then reached home bout 3..

Sunday- Went for lunch with family.. ate peranakan food.. which was not badd.. miss grandmas cooking though.. shes too weak to cook now.. i dun wanna blog about her.. i'll just break into tears.. uncle says shes not got long left.. so yeahh.. aniwaes.. cna't rmb what else..

Monday- Biz finance in the morning.. slackk.. i totally lost in the topics.. so ya.. then after that met my jap grp for project.. which was quite fast.. then biz park for lunch.. and studied till 6.. for my jap test.. homee.. dinnered.. thenn.. yeahh.. pretty much it.. i realise the update on the days get shorter as i type..

`the heart has reasons that reason cannot know.

If i let you go.

2009-07-11T00:25:00.004+08:00

I wished upon a shooting star.

Twice.

will you grant me my wish?

`then i would thank that star, that made our wish come true