So its been 3 years since my last post here. In the past 3 years I've decided that perhaps my outlet for expression has changed. I felt that this space was no longer going to be what I wanted it to be.
Here I am again after 3 years, back with grief anguish and heartbreak.
Today I spent the day with my best friend. On normal days, I would look forward to meeting her. Today wasn't any different. I love times where I meet her. Yet today felt like, our friendship has gone its length.
She was distant.
First off, I'd thought I'd surprise her by picking her at her workplace for her first official day. Yet the look on her face said all but "omg why did you come".
Second, we were suppose to have dinner together, yet she barely ate. What's the point right?
Third, the subtle words she used hurt more than anything in the world. I was hurt today.
"so you only met me cause you're off tomorrow?"
"I choose my friends"
Forth, throughout the entire night, she just seemed like she wasn't interested. She seemed like she wanted the night to end as quickly as possible. Maybe I'm jealous of how happy she is with her boyfriend. Not that I feel that way about her, it's just that I hardly get to meet her anymore and every time we do, it's just like that. We meet for the sake of meeting, and its something I hate.
Yet, I can't say anything because I'll end up hurting you.
Anlynn, I miss you.
As a friend, as your bestfriend. The reason I get angry at you and get trippy a lot of the time is because you mean the world to me.
I guess I'm sad, because I know I don't mean the same to you.
`sometimes we get hurt, because we let ourselves feel the pain that we don't want others to feel
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